Boost Your Self Esteem: Walk the Talk

By Amy Phillips-Gary

When I was in high school, I had the honor of being in many plays and musicals*. It was wonderfully creative and fun to be up on stage singing, dancing and acting with friends.

And it was also a gut-wrenching experience.

Before and after each show I usually assessed my performance. Almost every time, I honed in on the mistakes I made (or expected to make)-- lines out of order, missteps or voice slightly off-key.

One of my grandmothers attended as many of my plays, musicals and concerts as she could. After every single performance, she would gush and shower me with praise about how talented I am, how much I shone on that stage and other delightful compliments.

So, who's assessment of my performance was accurate?

Of course, she was my grandmother and, given who she was, she was going to see only the best in me. As a self-conscious teen who tended to also be self-critical, my propensity was to mainly see the flaws.

Neither of our stories were completely true. At the same time, neither of our stories were completely false. Up on that stage I undoubtedly made mistakes and I undoubtedly also shined.

We all tell stories. We tell ourselves stories about why a person said particular words to us. We tell ourselves stories about why our government is the the way it is. We also tell ourselves stories about who we are and what we can and cannot be.

Low self esteem is almost always founded upon a person repeating to him or herself story after story about inadequacy, failure and limitation.

If you live with low self esteem, start to pay closer attention to the stories you tell yourself. Notice your stories and be aware of how they probably tie in with past events in your life.

Our stories are usually rooted in the past. It might be helpful for you to acknowledge how tied to the past your present story about yourself may be.

Ask if the story you are telling yourself is a fit for where you are at this moment. If it isn't, why not let it go?

Sometimes an old story you've been repeating over and over again appears to be somewhat true. If so, recognize this as a story about one aspect of how you are right now. This is not necessarily how you will be tomorrow.

Take responsibility for the stories you tell yourself. After all, you are the master storyteller of your own life.

Even if you initially heard these criticisms or negative declarations from a parent, sibling, peer or another adult, you get to decide which stories to keep telling yourself and which to release.

In other words, you can stop telling yourself the stories that continue to fuel your low self esteem. Instead, you can begin to create and affirm different stories about yourself that will boost your sense of self worth.

This isn't about fantasy. Your new, self-affirming stories can focus in on those aspects about yourself and your life that you are okay with. They might also include intentions that will help you make the changes you'd like to make.

Your new stories can start out small and build into the epic adventures of success, love, abundance, worthiness and joy that you desire.

****************************************************
*The image above is NOT of me on stage as a teenager. It is thanks to dmblue444

Personal Growth Planet blog is taking part in National Blog Posting Month (http://www.nablopomo.com/). Every weekday in November, you'll find shorter daily blogs linked by weekly themes.

Happy Honor Yourself Day!

By Amy Phillips-Gary

This past Sunday I luxuriated in the pampering I received from my sons and husband as we celebrated Mother's Day. Here in the U.S., families honor their mothers on this May day. We commend and uplift these women for all of their labor, nurturing and support.

As I enjoyed a special breakfast, homemade cards and flowers on Mother's Day, I began to wonder why we tend to wait until a special occasion to honor ourselves.

What does it mean to honor yourself? How can honoring the self help strengthen self-esteem?

As I consider these questions, I recognize a certain amount of hesitation and inner resistance to the idea of bestowing upon myself distinction and appreciation as a regular habit.

After all, I don't want to be self-absorbed or egotistical!

Blocks to Improving Self-Esteem
It is this belief that serves as an obstacle for many who would like to strengthen their sense of self-esteem. We don't regularly honor ourselves, in part, because it seems somehow self-centered and even narcissistic.

People who are openly proud of themselves frequently get labeled as vain or self-absorbed. One website lists their picks for the Top 10 Egotistical Celebrities with the subtitle “They just love themselves.”

Loving yourself is egotistical? Really?!

If you've ever tried to be in a love relationship with another person without loving yourself, you probably know that it's almost always a sheer disaster. As the saying goes, if you don't love yourself, nobody else will either.

With a low self-esteem, it is also nearly impossible to get hired for the job you really want or receive the promotion you've been eyeing.

To regale your own self as a stellar human being who contributes wonderfully to the world is a pretty powerful thing to assert. And the positive ramifications of such an assertion might just shock you!

Your weak sense of self-worth might be rooted in childhood messages you received. Perhaps you were given the message that you are nothing special or that you always fall short of the mark.

Even if you have primarily heard loving, esteem-boosting words from others, it is essential that you feel it from within.

As much as your friends and family want to support you and help you to feel better about yourself, if you don't buy into the truth that you are worthy and valuable, their words will not be received.

Revel in your strengths.
Even after you've given yourself permission to honor you, improving your self-esteem might still seem challenging. If so, make it your job to notice your own strengths.

Try to take on the viewpoint of the observer. And I'm not talking about an observer who is critical! Think of a benevolent observer who loves you completely and with no strings or conditions attached.

Each and every day, notice at least 1 thing about yourself that you consider to be worthwhile and valuable. It might be the kindness you showed to a stranger by holding open a door. It could be the way that you love and care for your pet.

It's ok if some of the strengths that you are noticing about yourself pertain to your job or some other activity. But be sure to dig deep in your observing. See if you can discover aspects about you that have nothing to do with what you do.

It is also self-esteem boosting to give yourself credit for improvements and movements you make toward your goals.

Embrace yourself for the wonderful being you are.
As you get into the habit of noticing your strengths, allow yourself to really feel into that noticing.

When you start out, it's kind of like dipping your toe in the water of a beautiful hot spring. Dipping in your toe is a great start. This is the observing you've been practicing.

You can then start to ease more fully into the feelings evoked by this noticing and soak into them. Immerse yourself in loving and appreciating you for who you are.

As you begin to honor and embrace yourself, you might only be able to extend those self-valuing feelings to parts of who you are. Allow yourself to expand from where you are.

Boosting your self-esteem can happen in a series of self-honoring steps. As you choose to take each step, let yourself really feel into the aftereffects.

You'll probably find that this honoring thing feels pretty good!