Are You Having a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day?

I was having one of “those” days. From the moment I stepped out of bed, it seemed like nothing went well. The drain was clogged, my office chair broken and the dog even puked on my bed! Despite that wiser voice in my head, I couldn't help but think “How much worse can it get?”

In reply to thoughts like this, the universe usually brings just that-- something even worse.

Perhaps you've also had days like this and, like me, you are reminded of the classic children's book by Judith Viorst in which the main character, Alexander, has a truly rotten day and it only seems to get worse. Without a doubt it seems like a “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.”

And while we all know that a positive attitude can make even the worst circumstances more manageable, it can be quite a challenge to stop and turn yourself in a different and more positive direction.

But it is possible. And the improved feelings and effects can be astonishing!

Perhaps one reason why a lousy day can seem never-ending and bottomless is that we feel powerless in the face of our situation. For example, the tree roots growing into our home's drain seem huge and insurmountable. “How can I do anything to compete with a giant maple tree?!” runs through my mind and I feel helpless.

Some people freeze in the face of feeling powerless. Others numb out and turn to food, alcohol, drugs or other activities. Still others aggressively try to force the situation to change. While these responses may help the person cope with his or her out of control feelings, they almost always fail to allow the energy of the moment to shift. As a result, the situation often tends to worsen.

Stop and Look at Your Expectations
Before you travel any further in that downward spiral of “How could my day get any worse?” stop right there! See if you can step back from the intensity of your situation and pay attention to the expectations you have.

From where I sit in that bound up place, the clogged drain appears absolutely infested with tree roots and my mind conjures a huge plumbing bill and a dug up yard-- if I let it. While I might not literally divert the tree roots from my drain with my mind, I can change my thoughts and energy.

I can breathe deeply, bring my attention back to my own body-- feet on the floor, breath moving in and out. From that more centered place, I can decide to shift my expectations and my energy. Of course, I need to deal with the clogged drain, but I will perceive more options and the ultimate result will be more beneficial when I'm making choices from a more open state.

The essential tip here is that when you feel powerless and at the mercy of your drain, your kids, your job, your relationship, your body, your life, your economy, or your world, you can decide to stop and re-focus.

Widen your gaze.
As I get back in touch with my own sense of inner ease, I feel more empowered and the decisions I make for what to do next usually take me more quickly to a better-feeling place and outcome.

Sometimes my better-feeling place is only marginally improved. I may feel less powerless, but still annoyed to have to deal with this inconvenience. But from this even marginal improvement, I can keep building toward happiness.

I can begin to see that there's a lot more going on in my life right now than just this clogged drain. I literally and symbolically look up from the “trouble.” Yes, the drain still needs to be dealt with. But now I can also see that the sun is out. I can taste the pleasant salty-sweetness of a snack. I can really feel the hug from one of my sons.

In fact, when I look up from what was once a “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day” it all seems less lousy. I start to appreciate more of what is going on within me and around me. A more relaxed approach washes over me and I actually feel more empowered.

Reminding yourself of your own power can help transform one of “those” (lousy) days into one of “THOSE” (marvelous) days that simply keeps going. The big secret here is that nothing about your life has to change in order for you to shift from lousy to marvelous. It's all up to you.

You Don't Have to Wrestle Life to the Ground to Be Successful and Happy

My family and I live with a 100+ lbs. St. Bernard dog named Ella. With a dog this big, you can probably guess that effective training is vital. I find the techniques of the “Dog Whisperer,” Cesar Millan, quite inspiring and informative. Millan emphasizes the importance of energy when interacting with your canine. Your attitude and expectations can mean the difference between an out of control dog and one who trots happily at your side.

Even though I'm a huge “Dog Whisperer” fan, I still haven't quite got it down. Ella walks calmly beside me as we make our daily treks through our neighborhood-- except when there's a squirrel, cat, another dog, or even a blowing leaf in her field of vision. At that point, all bets are off and the “battle” begins.

Ella appears to me to go into a near-primal state as she ignores my verbal commands and leash tugs in a single-minded desire to get to that other critter-- or blowing leaf. When situations like this arise, my neighbors are treated to the view of me resorting to one of Cesar Millan's techniques-- “the pose--” in which the dog is laid on its side on the floor or ground.

This does not hurt the dog. It is intended to encourage her to shift attention away from the enticing critter and back to me-- the pack leader. It can be a useful tool to help a dog chill out.

Getting Ella in “the pose” when she's in that heightened state, however, usually requires me literally tackle her and wrestle her to the ground. Given her size, it is sometimes the only way to interrupt her wild instinctual mode and re-focus her attention.

How many times do you feel like you have to tackle and wrestle your own life to the ground?

Have you ever felt like the conditions of your life were so out of control or overwhelming that you symbolically tackled and then wrestled them to the ground? This approach to life usually involves tensing up which is certainly understandable, yet almost always not effective at all.

It's as if we believe that the only path to success-- or even a semblance of it-- in this purported dog-eat-dog world is to put life in “the pose,” or at least try to. We meet intensity with intensity whether it's in the workplace, with our families, the economy, the environment, even ourselves.

What you may have already discovered is that when you wrestle life to the ground, it usually doesn't lead to the results you were looking for. A tense and tackling course usually attracts to you more tension and situations in which you feel like you have to tackle life all over again.

Adopt a calm, assertive approach.

A cornerstone of Cesar Millan's philosophy is to meet dogs with calm assertive energy. When Cesar puts a dog in “the pose,” he is not angry or even frustrated. Instead, he calmly re-directs the dog while holding the expectation that his leadership will be respected and he will be listened to. As you might have guessed, when I put Ella in “the pose,” I am usually most definitely not in a calm assertive place.

This is why it feels like tackling and wrestling!

Step back and get into the habit of noticing when your life starts to feel like one big wrestling match. If you're exhausted and drained much of the time, that's a tip-off. Your next step might be to learn how to relax when you begin to feel overwhelmed and powerless. Meditation and deep breathing are two tools you could use to release tension and open to more ease.

Ask yourself what kind of life you want to lead. Sometimes we hold onto hidden expectations and beliefs that contribute to our life-wrestling tendencies. Remember that no matter how out of control your life feels, YOU are in charge of your response to it as well as the direction in which you point yourself.