Boost Your Self Esteem: Take a New View of You

By Amy Phillips-Gary

In the final scene of the movie “The Darjeeling Limited,” three brothers who have experienced a quirky and arduous journey together through India run for their train that's already in motion. They carry several pieces of luggage that once belonged to their father. At one point mid-run, each brother throws aside his suitcases and shoulder bags and finally leaps upon that departing train.

Have you ever felt weighted down by your low self esteem?

The limited beliefs and perceptions you have held of your own self worth are like the luggage that the brothers in “The Darjeeling Limited” hefted throughout their adventures in India. Perhaps a part of you is tired of feeling bad or inadequate about yourself.

Isn't it time to throw aside your own “luggage” and free yourself to be the person you have always wanted to be?

The strategies that I've suggested this week-- including stopping your stories and questioning lack mindset-- can help you to release your low self esteem habit. You can create space to take better care of yourself, as I wrote about yesterday.

And within this expanded and freer space, you can also develop a new view of you.

Two keys to improving self esteem are perspective and focus.
When you notice yourself thinking that you can't be, do or have something because of how you are, recognize that your low self esteem beliefs are doing the talking. Next, search for a different perspective of the situation.

Let's say that you hear about an available position at your workplace that would be a step-up from your current one. Perhaps the particular job really appeals to you, but almost as soon as you realize that you'd like to apply for the new job and promotion, a whole host of reasons why you will not ever get that kind of job crowd your mind.

This, of course, is a great time to question your story.

You can also make a conscious decision to adopt a new perspective. Some people find it helpful to literally move and stand in a different place to jar themselves out of the view they've become stuck in.

Make a list of the various ways you could look at this situation.

Write down the way that you currently see your capabilities and your prospects for getting this promotion. Now stretch yourself and write down the way that someone who admires you might see your prospects. How would a person who looked at your resume, training and experience see this? How about a person who knows only your strengths?

If you find yourself solely writing down limitations, return to questioning your story. It might also be helpful to ask a friend or family member to suggest some positive aspects about you that could be different from the perspective you usually take.

Another perspective change you might consider is to ask yourself what would happen if you apply for the promotion and you don't end up getting it. Will you really lose anything by trying? Taking the step to even apply is potentially transformational and it could lead you to eventually attaining that goal.

When you come upon a perspective that feels genuine and bolsters you, take some time to focus in on it. This new perspective might feel foreign and even uncomfortable. But if it still rings true for you on some level, spend time there.

Shift your focus to this different and more self-affirming way of viewing yourself and this situation. You can always return to that hefty “luggage” of low self esteem if that's what you really want. Now, however, you have an expanded range of perspectives to choose from.


You can begin to see the new you more and more of the time.


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Personal Growth Planet blog is taking part in National Blog Posting Month (http://www.nablopomo.com/). Every weekday in November, you'll find shorter daily blogs linked by weekly themes.

Boost Your Self Esteem: Walk the Talk

By Amy Phillips-Gary

When I was in high school, I had the honor of being in many plays and musicals*. It was wonderfully creative and fun to be up on stage singing, dancing and acting with friends.

And it was also a gut-wrenching experience.

Before and after each show I usually assessed my performance. Almost every time, I honed in on the mistakes I made (or expected to make)-- lines out of order, missteps or voice slightly off-key.

One of my grandmothers attended as many of my plays, musicals and concerts as she could. After every single performance, she would gush and shower me with praise about how talented I am, how much I shone on that stage and other delightful compliments.

So, who's assessment of my performance was accurate?

Of course, she was my grandmother and, given who she was, she was going to see only the best in me. As a self-conscious teen who tended to also be self-critical, my propensity was to mainly see the flaws.

Neither of our stories were completely true. At the same time, neither of our stories were completely false. Up on that stage I undoubtedly made mistakes and I undoubtedly also shined.

We all tell stories. We tell ourselves stories about why a person said particular words to us. We tell ourselves stories about why our government is the the way it is. We also tell ourselves stories about who we are and what we can and cannot be.

Low self esteem is almost always founded upon a person repeating to him or herself story after story about inadequacy, failure and limitation.

If you live with low self esteem, start to pay closer attention to the stories you tell yourself. Notice your stories and be aware of how they probably tie in with past events in your life.

Our stories are usually rooted in the past. It might be helpful for you to acknowledge how tied to the past your present story about yourself may be.

Ask if the story you are telling yourself is a fit for where you are at this moment. If it isn't, why not let it go?

Sometimes an old story you've been repeating over and over again appears to be somewhat true. If so, recognize this as a story about one aspect of how you are right now. This is not necessarily how you will be tomorrow.

Take responsibility for the stories you tell yourself. After all, you are the master storyteller of your own life.

Even if you initially heard these criticisms or negative declarations from a parent, sibling, peer or another adult, you get to decide which stories to keep telling yourself and which to release.

In other words, you can stop telling yourself the stories that continue to fuel your low self esteem. Instead, you can begin to create and affirm different stories about yourself that will boost your sense of self worth.

This isn't about fantasy. Your new, self-affirming stories can focus in on those aspects about yourself and your life that you are okay with. They might also include intentions that will help you make the changes you'd like to make.

Your new stories can start out small and build into the epic adventures of success, love, abundance, worthiness and joy that you desire.

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*The image above is NOT of me on stage as a teenager. It is thanks to dmblue444

Personal Growth Planet blog is taking part in National Blog Posting Month (http://www.nablopomo.com/). Every weekday in November, you'll find shorter daily blogs linked by weekly themes.

Boost Your Self Esteem...It Could Be One of the Most Selfless Things You'll Ever Do

By Amy Phillips-Gary

Have you ever felt stuck and stagnated in your life but couldn't bring yourself to make a change? You might feel disappointed about who you are and where you are, but you don't feel like you have the time or energy to do anything about it.

It's quite possible that low self esteem is part of the reason why you feel so immobilized and unhappy.

Maybe you already have so many things and people demanding your attention, it seems that there literally is no time for you-- to get that manicure you've always wanted to have, to take a class you're interested in or to start figuring out why you tend to feel inadequate most days.

Even if you had the time, wouldn't it be selfish to spend it on yourself?

If you feel unfulfilled and unworthy, I suggest that it's PAST time for you to offer at least some of your attention to boosting your self esteem. Additionally, bolstering your self esteem is actually a very selfless act!

If you tend to go through life feeling less than good at what you do or even not good at all as a person, you owe it not only to yourself, but to every single person in your life to create space, time and a willingness within yourself to improve your self esteem.

Your low self esteem probably goes way back...
It's likely that your lagging sense of self worth spans back to your preteen and teen years, if not earlier. Studies have shown that girls in particular usually experience a self esteem peak around the age of 9.

These are a scant number of years during which a human being feels worthy and positively about herself (or himself). Boys face challenges to their self esteem as well.

Early experiences and beliefs can also leave deep scars.

As adults, we usually attempt to hide away our emotional scars as well as our low self esteem. But they are there and they rise to the surface in a myriad of ways.

For example, I often become uncomfortable when I am complimented. There are probably a whole host of reasons for this tendency of mine. One is most definitely a belief that I do not deserve that praise-- this is linked in with low self esteem.

I think that it is far more common for adults to experience a lagging sense of self worth than one might expect. After all, we are grown up, we're supposed to be beyond that insecurity thing, right?

Nope.

It's time for each of us to look inside ourselves and begin to notice the times when we put ourselves down, deflect compliments or otherwise shrink away and cut ourselves off from our strengths and passions.

Boosting your self esteem is actually a selfless act...
Even if you are well aware of your low self esteem, you might not be taking steps to improve it because you feel so busy already and the idea of boosting your self worth seems, well, selfish.

Let me put it this way. If you feel inadequate, stagnated and stuck where you are and whom you have become, you are probably the very same way you feel in your relationships with others.

You truly cannot be the loving, giving and valuing partner, parent, son/daughter, co-worker, employee, etc. without feeling love, respect and value for yourself first.

There is little or nothing to give to others in your life except your own dissatisfaction when you continue to ignore or foster low self esteem.

These statements are not meant to guilt trip you into making changes in the way you view yourself. Instead, it is my intention to assert to you that when you take even the tiniest of steps to boost your self esteem everyone in your life-- especially you-- can benefit.

Yes, you might feel resistant to changing even this hurtful habit because it's what you've known for so long. And you may also feel worried about what this might mean to your relationships and your life.

Notice your resistance, your worries and your fears and do this anyway.

Make a choice to begin to feel better about yourself and know that you can (and will) enjoy improved self esteem and an improved life because of it.

In the following days on this blog I will take a deeper look at low self esteem. This includes exploring what fuels low self esteem as well as strategies to develop new habits that will improve self worth and esteem along the way.
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Personal Growth Planet blog is taking part in National Blog Posting Month (http://www.nablopomo.com/). Every weekday in November, you'll find shorter daily blogs linked by weekly themes.

Feed Your Soul: Appreciate and Bask in the Glow

By Amy Phillips-Gary

All week we've been building up to feeding your soul.*

Keeping the access to your soul as open as possible, listening to your inner guidance and even dealing with those times when you aren't comfortable with what your soul is directing you to do have been topics for your consideration.

When it comes down to it, all of these actually help you to nourish and feed your soul.

Every time you choose to check in with yourself and honor how you feel deep down inside rather than check out through old habits, you are feeding your soul.

Every time you connect in with your inner guidance and truly listen to what you are being inspired to do, be or have rather than disconnect and discount that “voice” coming from within or through you, your soul is being fed.

Each and every time you decide to find something about yourself and your life to appreciate instead of mostly focusing on the aspects you don't like, you feed your soul.

And this is today's suggestion for enlivening your life and nurturing your soul....Appreciate!

I know, this probably isn't the first time you've been advised to appreciate what you have. Many of us can remember being told as children to appreciate the lima beans or brussel sprouts staring us down on our dinner plates because, “children in China are starving.” Knowing this did not make it any easier to eat those less-than-savory veggies.

As an adult, you might so very much want to appreciate your run-down car, house in need of repair, job that pays too little, children who don't seem to respect you and partner that just doesn't “get” you in the way you want-- but you just can't seem to do it!

I'm not going to encourage you to appreciate your unsatisfying job because so many people in this country don't even have one right now. Guilt trips or fear rides like this just don't work. That's absolutely NOT what appreciation is about.

What I will suggest is for all of us to look around (and within) and find at least one thing we can feel some morsel of true appreciation about.

It might be the sun that's glistening on the frost-covered grass outside. It could be the smile you give to a neighbor-- or even a complete stranger-- and the one reflected back at you. It may be the way that you and your partner worked together as a loving team to tackle a difficult situation recently.

When you come into the present moment and you widen your perspective of what's happening, there is always something you can find to appreciate.

The key is to be in the present moment and to have an expanded view, however. If you're busy thinking about how many times in the past you and your mate have butted heads when a challenge arises, you're going to miss out on this time when the two of you are working together cooperatively.

And, if all you are honed in on is how crime-ridden your local news declares your city to be, that smile- sharing and potential warmth between you and a stranger will pass you by.

The image above is of our cat Sizzle who truly seems to appreciate the sun. I can't know for sure if a cat can feel appreciation the way that I do, but she certainly seems to be basking in the sun and smiling happily in her comfort and delight.

To me, Sizzle's basking and apparent appreciation exemplify feeding your soul.

Come into your present moment, discover what you can appreciate and allow yourself to bask in the glow.

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*The concept of “Soul” is being used here in an expansive and two-fold manner. In one sense, it is the higher power-- Source, God, Goddess, Allah, Yahweh, Great Spirit or other name that resonates for you. Additionally, it is the essence, the animating principle that is you. These can be inter-linked or distinct depending on your belief system.

Personal Growth Planet blog is taking part in National Blog Posting Month (http://www.nablopomo.com/). Every weekday in November, you'll find shorter daily blogs linked by weekly themes.

Feed Your Soul: What if I don't like what I hear?

By Amy Phillips-Gary

So far in this week's Feed Your Soul-themed blogs we've assessed how truly alive and engaged with life we are, learned about ways to interrupt ourselves when we fall into autopilot mode and discovered how to cut the chatter so that we can each enjoy clearer access to our souls.*

Now what?

When you have expanded access to your soul will your life automatically be easy, glow-y and always happy? Well, not necessarily.

To walk around in this life vibrantly alive doesn't necessarily mean you're forever in a state of blissful joy. There are exceptions to this, of course.

Sometimes when you are tuned in to your soul and really listening to what your inner guidance is directing you to be, do or have it gets uncomfortable. You might not like what you hear from your soul from time to time.

When I am guided to ease up and grant more space and independence to my sons, for example, I know this is a soul-derived directive. Some wiser part of me is certain that my sons, my relationship with them and even I will truly benefit.

But there is a resistance-- the worrier (what if something bad happens?), the griever (do my kids have to grow up so fast already?), the controller (after all, I do know best!?)-- that doesn't want to hear what my soul has to say.

At this point of resistance to my inner guidance, I get to choose my response.
--I can ignore my soul's wisdom and fall into an autopilot mode of old habits.

--I can go into autopilot mode, numb out in some way and pretend that none of this is happening.

--I can get very involved in rationalizing the situation, i.e. let the mind chatter take over.

--I can set aside my worries, grief and controlling impulses and just follow through on my inner guidance's request.

--I can go within and be certain that what I am “hearing” is truly coming from my inner guidance. Using cut the chatter strategies can help make this distinction.

--I can “sit with” how I am feeling and allow myself time to calm down and perhaps become more open to what my soul is calling on me to do before taking any action.

In every single situation there are always many possible solutions and even if you fall into autopilot or somehow ignore your soul's wisdom, the great news is it's always there for you.

All you have to do is open up, listen and trust.

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*The concept of “Soul” is being used here in an expansive and two-fold manner. In one sense, it is the higher power-- Source, God, Goddess, Allah, Yahweh, Great Spirit or other name that resonates for you. Additionally, it is the essence, the animating principle that is you. These can be inter-linked or distinct depending on your belief system.


Personal Growth Planet blog is taking part in National Blog Posting Month (http://www.nablopomo.com/). Every weekday in November, you'll find shorter daily blogs linked by weekly themes.