Find Your Edge and Upgrade You

By Amy Phillips-Gary

All week long I've been writing about upgrading your life and yourself in various ways. Upgrading your home, physical fitness and diet were specific areas covered. As I finish up this weekly theme, I want to include an important side note...

Nothing is wrong with you or your life!

Often, talk about making an improvement is accompanied by an implied (or overtly stated) assumption that the aspect of you or your life that is intended for change is somehow deficient or even bad.

Yes, there are certainly habits and tendencies that do not support you and the way you want to live. But when you attempt to motivate yourself from a negative approach or assumption, any improvement experienced usually doesn't last-- or it is tinged with fear or self-castigation.

This is no upgrade.

A truly sustaining and expansive upgrade stems from the reminder that you are perfect as you are...imperfections and all. You can affirm to yourself that you are inherently good and capable AND that you'd like to create an even better life and a more enhanced you.

From this place of essentially coming to peace with where you are and being clear about where you want to go, you can make that upgrade and even feel happy and fulfilled along the way.

Find your edge.

We've all got an edge. This is the symbolic boundary beyond which we are uncomfortable or perhaps we even blatantly refuse to go. It is the invisible-- yet seemingly iron-clad-- line that keeps us stuck where we are.

I encourage you to find your inner edge and then explore beyond it.

You may be accustomed to biting back what you really want to say to a close family member, for example. Perhaps you just want to keep the peace and over the years you've become really adept at doing this. The trouble is, sometimes your self-induced silence means that you feel hurt or disrespected.

Maybe speaking out and potentially “making waves” is a really scary prospect for you. In your mind, who knows what would happen: “Will this person I care about leave me?” “What if he or she hurts me even more if I talk about how I truly feel?” “It's just not safe to speak up!”

This is an edge.

When you are alone, think about a time when you met up with your edge. Clues could include: a contraction in your stomach, stiffening shoulders and back, headaches that seem to come on suddenly or a tendency to leave the moment by becoming distracted or unfocused.

As you meet up with your edge, get curious about the situation that was (or still is) going on. Was a particular person involved? Was a certain setting or specific words said? Gather this information and try to identify what the most loaded trigger is for you.

Ask yourself how you might replay the situation if you had no edge.

Explore in your mind what might happen, for instance, if you were honest with this family member about how you feel when he or she says those words to you. Include as unbiased a list of possible options as you can formulate. How does it feel in your body to finally speak up?

Communicating with integrity and openness does not necessarily mean that you are combative or that you will instigate an argument, by the way. There are many ways to talk about how you are feeling and what you want that can actually promote connection.

The point to this exercise is to gently move yourself past your edge-- whatever that might be.

In the safety of your inner self, demonstrate that you do have the choice to step past that self-created boundary and then try a new way of communicating, acting and being.

This is an upgrade upon which you can build and grow and flourish.
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*Personal Growth Planet blog is taking part in National Blog Posting Month (http://www.nablopomo.com/). Every weekday in November, you'll find daily blogs linked by weekly themes.

Upgrade Your Outlook

By Amy Phillips-Gary

Yesterday I kicked off “Upgrade” week by encouraging you to consider improving and expanding yourself and your life in some way.


Perhaps, as you tuned in and had that “conversation” with your future self, you realized that you'd like to upgrade your financial situation, for example. Or it could be that you decided it's time to enhance your relationship with your partner.

Now that you have chosen an area of your life upon which you'd like to focus at the moment, you might wonder how to achieve these desired improvements. Stepping out from the usual way of doing and experiencing things is certainly new territory for us all.

Upgrading your outlook can help. The way we each perceive what's possible-- or impossible-- and the power we think we have-- or don't have-- can make a huge difference. You can achieve goals when you doubt your ability to do so, but it's usually a long and arduous process, if it happens at all.

However, when you can generate within yourself a clarity about what you want and you fuel it with a hope and belief that you can be, do or have it, the upgrade can seem almost effortless.

Knowing about and practicing the Law of Attraction can help ease and bolster your upgrade intentions.

You might be familiar with the film“The Secret” that came out a few years ago. There are plenty of people online, in other films and at live events who go into greater detail about the Law of Attraction. This is meant to give you a taste of this potentially new outlook that can assist you in making-- attracting-- improvements.

At the heart of the Law of Attraction is the assertion that we live in an attraction-based universe. We walk around as magnets, drawing to us the people, conditions and experiences that line up with what we spend the bulk of our time focusing upon. Sometimes we are aware of what we're concentrating attention on and sometimes we're not and so we feel surprised by what manifests in our lives.

According to Law of Attraction teacher Abraham, there are 3 main steps to the Attraction process:

1.) Ask
This seems simple but... many times we ask for things that we actually do not want. A classic example is to ask to get out of debt. The focus with this request is still on the debt and not on something more affirmative such as: "being able to easily pay my bills and have more than enough money."

Watch what you are asking for and keep in mind that you are attracting what you place your attention upon.

Another dimension to this asking step is contrast. Many times we “ask” for improvements as we live the opposite. If you feel disrespected in a relationship, there is undoubtedly a part of you that is now clearer than before about wanting to be respected.

You can think about it as a silver lining of sorts to the challenges you are experiencing. But, again, it's important that you continue to shift your focus toward what you want. Notice that you feel disrespected and then move your attention toward what you do want.

2.) Answer
This is the easy one. There's really nothing for you to do at this step. According to the Law of Attraction, what you are asking for will always be provided to you. You don't have to figure out how this will happen, it just will.

3.) Allow
Jump back in because this step is the follow through that's all up to you. After you've asked for what you want in an affirmative way, now you can release resistance and allow it to come to you.

I know, this one can be a real challenge! Letting go and staying open to the opportunities that will line you up with what you want is often easier said than done. But this is exactly what step 3 of this process requires.

I think we've all been in situations in which we firmly keep the door to new experiences and improvements to our lives closed and locked.

Whether it's embarking on a career move that seems scary, making it a priority to regularly exercise, communicating differently in a relationship or something else, opportunities for upgrades are literally always there for us-- we get to choose whether or not to allow them.

When it comes down to it, this whole notion of upgrading yourself and your life and the Law of Attraction isn't really so much about being richer, healthier or having a more passionate love life.

These things can all come to each of us in the process; but this is really about you altering your outlook so that you can feel happier, more fulfilled and maybe even downright blissful about your life as it unfolds.

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Personal Growth Planet blog is tasking part in National Blog Posting Month (http://www.nablopomo.com/). Every weekday in November, you'll find daily blogs linked by weekly themes.

Boost Your Self Esteem: Stop the Storytelling

By Amy Phillips-Gary

When I was in high school, I had the honor of being in many plays and musicals*. It was wonderfully creative and fun to be up on stage singing, dancing and acting with friends.

And it was also a gut-wrenching experience.

Before and after each show I usually assessed my performance. Almost every time, I honed in on the mistakes I made (or expected to make)-- lines out of order, missteps or voice slightly off-key.

One of my grandmothers attended as many of my plays, musicals and concerts as she could. After every single performance, she would gush and shower me with praise about how talented I am, how much I shone on that stage and other delightful compliments.

So, who's assessment of my performance was accurate?

Of course, she was my grandmother and, given who she was, she was going to see only the best in me. As a self-conscious teen who tended to also be self-critical, my propensity was to mainly see the flaws.

Neither of our stories were completely true. At the same time, neither of our stories were completely false. Up on that stage I undoubtedly made mistakes and I undoubtedly also shined.

We all tell stories. We tell ourselves stories about why a person said particular words to us. We tell ourselves stories about why our government is the the way it is. We also tell ourselves stories about who we are and what we can and cannot be.

Low self esteem is almost always founded upon a person repeating to him or herself story after story about inadequacy, failure and limitation.

If you live with low self esteem, start to pay closer attention to the stories you tell yourself. Notice your stories and be aware of how they probably tie in with past events in your life.

Our stories are usually rooted in the past. It might be helpful for you to acknowledge how tied to the past your present story about yourself may be.

Ask if the story you are telling yourself is a fit for where you are at this moment. If it isn't, why not let it go?

Sometimes an old story you've been repeating over and over again appears to be somewhat true. If so, recognize this as a story about one aspect of how you are right now. This is not necessarily how you will be tomorrow.

Take responsibility for the stories you tell yourself. After all, you are the master storyteller of your own life.

Even if you initially heard these criticisms or negative declarations from a parent, sibling, peer or another adult, you get to decide which stories to keep telling yourself and which to release.

In other words, you can stop telling yourself the stories that continue to fuel your low self esteem. Instead, you can begin to create and affirm different stories about yourself that will boost your sense of self worth.

This isn't about fantasy. Your new, self-affirming stories can focus in on those aspects about yourself and your life that you are okay with. They might also include intentions that will help you make the changes you'd like to make.

Your new stories can start out small and build into the epic adventures of success, love, abundance, worthiness and joy that you desire.

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*The image above is NOT of me on stage as a teenager. It is thanks to dmblue444

Personal Growth Planet blog is taking part in National Blog Posting Month (http://www.nablopomo.com/). Every weekday in November, you'll find shorter daily blogs linked by weekly themes.

Happy Honor Yourself Day!

By Amy Phillips-Gary

This past Sunday I luxuriated in the pampering I received from my sons and husband as we celebrated Mother's Day. Here in the U.S., families honor their mothers on this May day. We commend and uplift these women for all of their labor, nurturing and support.

As I enjoyed a special breakfast, homemade cards and flowers on Mother's Day, I began to wonder why we tend to wait until a special occasion to honor ourselves.

What does it mean to honor yourself? How can honoring the self help strengthen self-esteem?

As I consider these questions, I recognize a certain amount of hesitation and inner resistance to the idea of bestowing upon myself distinction and appreciation as a regular habit.

After all, I don't want to be self-absorbed or egotistical!

Blocks to Improving Self-Esteem
It is this belief that serves as an obstacle for many who would like to strengthen their sense of self-esteem. We don't regularly honor ourselves, in part, because it seems somehow self-centered and even narcissistic.

People who are openly proud of themselves frequently get labeled as vain or self-absorbed. One website lists their picks for the Top 10 Egotistical Celebrities with the subtitle “They just love themselves.”

Loving yourself is egotistical? Really?!

If you've ever tried to be in a love relationship with another person without loving yourself, you probably know that it's almost always a sheer disaster. As the saying goes, if you don't love yourself, nobody else will either.

With a low self-esteem, it is also nearly impossible to get hired for the job you really want or receive the promotion you've been eyeing.

To regale your own self as a stellar human being who contributes wonderfully to the world is a pretty powerful thing to assert. And the positive ramifications of such an assertion might just shock you!

Your weak sense of self-worth might be rooted in childhood messages you received. Perhaps you were given the message that you are nothing special or that you always fall short of the mark.

Even if you have primarily heard loving, esteem-boosting words from others, it is essential that you feel it from within.

As much as your friends and family want to support you and help you to feel better about yourself, if you don't buy into the truth that you are worthy and valuable, their words will not be received.

Revel in your strengths.
Even after you've given yourself permission to honor you, improving your self-esteem might still seem challenging. If so, make it your job to notice your own strengths.

Try to take on the viewpoint of the observer. And I'm not talking about an observer who is critical! Think of a benevolent observer who loves you completely and with no strings or conditions attached.

Each and every day, notice at least 1 thing about yourself that you consider to be worthwhile and valuable. It might be the kindness you showed to a stranger by holding open a door. It could be the way that you love and care for your pet.

It's ok if some of the strengths that you are noticing about yourself pertain to your job or some other activity. But be sure to dig deep in your observing. See if you can discover aspects about you that have nothing to do with what you do.

It is also self-esteem boosting to give yourself credit for improvements and movements you make toward your goals.

Embrace yourself for the wonderful being you are.
As you get into the habit of noticing your strengths, allow yourself to really feel into that noticing.

When you start out, it's kind of like dipping your toe in the water of a beautiful hot spring. Dipping in your toe is a great start. This is the observing you've been practicing.

You can then start to ease more fully into the feelings evoked by this noticing and soak into them. Immerse yourself in loving and appreciating you for who you are.

As you begin to honor and embrace yourself, you might only be able to extend those self-valuing feelings to parts of who you are. Allow yourself to expand from where you are.

Boosting your self-esteem can happen in a series of self-honoring steps. As you choose to take each step, let yourself really feel into the aftereffects.

You'll probably find that this honoring thing feels pretty good!

Got Dreams?

By Amy Phillips-Gary

What do you dream about?

I'm not talking about those surreal images that fill your sleeping mind in the middle of the night. I'm referring to the dreams or visions you have about your own life and world.

Whether they seem unrealistic, outlandish or downright impossible, dreams are an essential part of you moving forward into the future you want. Dreaming is a powerful and creative act.

Flashback to the U.S. in the 1950s and 60s. A very famous dream was eloquently communicated to the world by the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. He declared, “I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”

This speech, as well as Dr. King's teachings and actions over the course of his life, are indisputably influential. Other brave leaders have also worked, and are working, to improve race relations in this country. These improvements have come, and continue to unfold, in response to the dreams of these visionaries.

Perhaps your dreams aren't about racial equality. That's ok. Everyone's dreams-- no matter how seemingly significant or insignificant-- are important. It is the degree to which we allow or disallow our dreams that can make a huge impact on our lives and the lives of those around us.

Do you allow yourself to dream?

I admit that I have a very practical sensibility much of the time. My habit tends to be to not go “too far” or ask for “too much.” If I am invited to declare my dream, it's usually a bit tricky for me.

I'm frequently like the kid who's set free in the proverbial “candy shop” but I seem to need to think it through and be “reasonable” about which lollipops, bon bons or chocolate kisses would be the most appropriate choices.

Choosing a path consciously and mindfully is certainly advisable. Charging impulsively forward may take you to a place you don't want to go.

However, I know first-hand that standing frozen, spinning my wheels blocks my dreaming and the future I desire along with it. I may decide on a single caramel, but close the door to so much more.

When you shut down your dreams, you close yourself off to the future you desire.

What's holding you back?
If, like me, you realize that you don't always give yourself permission to dream, it might be helpful to take a deeper look at the resistance within yourself.

You might harbor beliefs about what you think you deserve or don't deserve. Maybe you were taught the false message that you are not worthy of a particular level of happiness or abundance.

It could be you resist dreaming because, on some level, you think there is only so much of the “good stuff” to go around. To you, living frugally or denying yourself is the only way to improve other people's lives.

It doesn't matter if your tamped down dreams relate to money, happiness or health. And regardless of how compassionate you want to be, when you hold yourself back, you simply cannot uplift or inspire anyone-- yourself or others.

What are your favorites?
Take a look at your resistance to dreaming. Take steps toward healing the wounds you may be carrying from the past. Turn your old limiting beliefs around and create new ones that support you en-visioning the future you want.

When you feel more open and excited about life, make a list of your preferences and desires. Simply write down whatever comes into your mind when you ask yourself questions such as:

*“What do I want?”

*“What is my vision for my future?”

*“What do my dream life, relationship, bank account, career, and world look like?”

How do I get from here to there?
Sometimes resistance to dreaming is rooted in feeling overwhelmed or concerns about how to “make” the dream actually occur. The desired outcome of the vision seems so far away or even incomprehensible; you might feel stuck and settle back into old habits of resistance.

Make it your intention to focus mainly on the vision itself and how great it feels when you permit yourself to think about actualizing your dream. Re-read your list of preferences and desires often.

Set aside concerns about how you will literally get from where you are to where you want to be. Opportunities often exist that we simply don't allow ourselves to see. Expand your view and notice how much freer and more empowered you feel.

Pay attention to the choices you are making. Sometimes your usual habits serve you and point you toward your dream and other times choosing a different option will more effectively take you where you want to go.

Above all, give yourself permission to dream and then keep on dreaming, no matter how practical or “realistic” you tend to be. Allow yourself to play around and create a vision for how you'd like your life and world to be. Next, open up and watch it unfold...