Find Your Edge and Upgrade You

By Amy Phillips-Gary

All week long I've been writing about upgrading your life and yourself in various ways. Upgrading your home, physical fitness and diet were specific areas covered. As I finish up this weekly theme, I want to include an important side note...

Nothing is wrong with you or your life!

Often, talk about making an improvement is accompanied by an implied (or overtly stated) assumption that the aspect of you or your life that is intended for change is somehow deficient or even bad.

Yes, there are certainly habits and tendencies that do not support you and the way you want to live. But when you attempt to motivate yourself from a negative approach or assumption, any improvement experienced usually doesn't last-- or it is tinged with fear or self-castigation.

This is no upgrade.

A truly sustaining and expansive upgrade stems from the reminder that you are perfect as you are...imperfections and all. You can affirm to yourself that you are inherently good and capable AND that you'd like to create an even better life and a more enhanced you.

From this place of essentially coming to peace with where you are and being clear about where you want to go, you can make that upgrade and even feel happy and fulfilled along the way.

Find your edge.

We've all got an edge. This is the symbolic boundary beyond which we are uncomfortable or perhaps we even blatantly refuse to go. It is the invisible-- yet seemingly iron-clad-- line that keeps us stuck where we are.

I encourage you to find your inner edge and then explore beyond it.

You may be accustomed to biting back what you really want to say to a close family member, for example. Perhaps you just want to keep the peace and over the years you've become really adept at doing this. The trouble is, sometimes your self-induced silence means that you feel hurt or disrespected.

Maybe speaking out and potentially “making waves” is a really scary prospect for you. In your mind, who knows what would happen: “Will this person I care about leave me?” “What if he or she hurts me even more if I talk about how I truly feel?” “It's just not safe to speak up!”

This is an edge.

When you are alone, think about a time when you met up with your edge. Clues could include: a contraction in your stomach, stiffening shoulders and back, headaches that seem to come on suddenly or a tendency to leave the moment by becoming distracted or unfocused.

As you meet up with your edge, get curious about the situation that was (or still is) going on. Was a particular person involved? Was a certain setting or specific words said? Gather this information and try to identify what the most loaded trigger is for you.

Ask yourself how you might replay the situation if you had no edge.

Explore in your mind what might happen, for instance, if you were honest with this family member about how you feel when he or she says those words to you. Include as unbiased a list of possible options as you can formulate. How does it feel in your body to finally speak up?

Communicating with integrity and openness does not necessarily mean that you are combative or that you will instigate an argument, by the way. There are many ways to talk about how you are feeling and what you want that can actually promote connection.

The point to this exercise is to gently move yourself past your edge-- whatever that might be.

In the safety of your inner self, demonstrate that you do have the choice to step past that self-created boundary and then try a new way of communicating, acting and being.

This is an upgrade upon which you can build and grow and flourish.
****************************************************************

*Personal Growth Planet blog is taking part in National Blog Posting Month (http://www.nablopomo.com/). Every weekday in November, you'll find daily blogs linked by weekly themes.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

By Amy Phillips-Gary

Change is inevitable.

Change happens all of the time, every single day for each of us. No matter how boring and predictable we think our lives are, we-- along with everyone else-- are in constant flux.

Time passes. We get older. Seasons change and the Earth evolves.

In our day-to-day lives, changes are happening too-- on mundane levels as well as those more radical.

We finish one project at work and move on to another one. We make career changes; we end marriages or relationships and we eventually fall in love again.

If change is all around us-- and happening constantly within us-- you'd think we be quite comfortable with it.

Why do so many of us fall apart in the face of change?

I tend to get bored easily, so one might assume that I thrive on change. Not so. I have a habit of becoming nervous, fearful and even controlling when changes are afoot in my life.

There is something about change that feels utterly out of my control-- and, frankly, it is to some degree.

Changes taunt us with an allusion of powerlessness.

I think that this is one reason why change has been so difficult for me in the past. I am reminded of not only my mortality, but also how small and insignificant I am.

I don't mean this as a put-down. Every single one of us is truly very small and insignificant.

At the same time, I believe we are all inter-linked and extensions of an over-arching whole-- Source Energy or God. We are all-powerful, amazing beings even as we are tiny little specks in an immense Universe.

Whether or not we stand tall and confidently move forward toward what we want in life or crumple to the ground and stay stuck in a defensive posture is totally up to each of us.

We can be both directed and allowing. We can be in charge of our lives while, at the same time, we also let go and move with the flow.

Sometimes the false comfort of what we've always known and done causes us suffering and makes us resist change.

As much as a habit or tendency hurts you or the ones you love, you might stubbornly cling to that way of being simply because it's what you know.

Too often, we stay in jobs, relationships or situations in which we are not thriving (or worse) only because we are terrified that we can't come up with anything better.

And who can blame any of us?

We look around and admit that, yes, we are unhappy and dissatisfied. But there is a dark, blank unknowable quality to the alternatives we dare to consider.

There is a certain comfort in being miserable where we are-- and so we tend to stay there.

Stay Present & Focused

Being in the present moment is one way to stop resisting change and begin flowing with it toward what you want.

When you notice you are anxious or worried about changes going on, ask yourself if you are present.

Too often, I project myself into some future place of my fears when I am faced with the unknown.

Instead, I could notice what I am doing and consciously bring myself back to the present.

I can choose not to plan or cast ahead too far into the future when I feel overwhelmed or powerless.

I can remind myself of the decisions I can make right here and right now. And I can release my anxiety about all of the rest.

At the same time, I can also keep myself focused on the vision for what I ultimately want.

When faced with a change, create room in your attention for a clear vision of the outcome or experience you'd like to have.

You can be where you are, making decisions in the here and now. And you can also maintain a vision for what you'd like to encounter next.

After all, if you are charged up and excited about your future and you keep making choices that line you up with that future, it's less likely that you will drag your heels or short-circuit your own efforts.

Stand Behind Your Choices

So many of us speed along toward a goal and then encounter some obstacle (often an unexpected change) which seems to throw us totally off-course.

We then may feel insecure about the grand vision we had. The excitement is shattered and we often feel lost and, yet again, powerless and ineffectual.

When this happens, it's time to check in with yourself and decide what you want to do next. As you do so, stand behind your choices.

No matter how much of a mistake you think you've made, stand tall and confident with dignity and have the courage to get back on the path you were on or turn toward a new one.

Yes, change happens.

And isn't it wonderful that no matter what a moment or situation is like, it can always get better?

Make a Difference- Set Off a Gratitude Chain

How do you feel about what you see and hear in the world around you? I notice that even the comic strips are getting pretty bleak. In the news, our neighborhoods and even our own lives many of us are dealing with fear and uncertainties. Even the bodies that we walk around in may feel (to us) as “less than” or “in decline.”

Simply put, the outlook on the world right now just doesn't seem very bright for many people. The sense of foreboding, fear and even helplessness might spur some to action: “Save the World” or “Change the Current Tides.”

Wanting to make a positive difference in your world can certainly help us feel more powerful and can even benefit ourselves and others. But when the focus continues to be on the conditions that are perceived unwanted, it's unlikely that your world will significantly change anytime soon.

Why not get into the habit of recognizing a situation or condition that you do not like and then making a conscious decision to shift your energy toward what you do like and what you want to create instead? This isn't denial. In fact, getting a good look at what doesn't please you can be an empowering way to become clear.

Gratitude is a wonderful way to start turning in the direction of what you do want. The ripple effects of gratitude can also make a positive difference in your world.

The Gratitude Chain
One of my close friends, Melissa, introduced a gratitude practice to me that not only feels good but also has the potential to encourage powerful changes in the lives of many others. Melissa and I, along with other friends, participate in the online social networking site Facebook. This is the place where Melissa set off a ripple of gratitude that keeps reverberating.

Melissa decided to post a list of a few things that she felt grateful for in that moment and I was one of friends she “tagged” in the note. In turn, I posted a list of things I was feeling gratitude about and tagged not only Melissa, but also a handful of different friends. Many of them posted their own gratitude lists.

What a delight and inspiration for me to share a friend's gratitude moment with a larger community. I can then choose to reach into myself and create my own list to share.

The thing about gratitude is that you don't have to feel great to be grateful.

Sometimes the gratitude lists we post are glowing like: “I am grateful for the beauty of the sun.” But this practice has also showed me that we can all feel gratitude even when life doesn't seem so sun-shiny or peaceful.

This doesn't mean that you stuff down sad, fearful or angry feelings. What it can mean is that you look within yourself for sense of appreciation about whatever is happening- the “silver lining” or lesson in the challenge. I often find that whatever is troubling me somehow lightens and feels less insurmountable when I cultivate gratitude.

The power of gratitude is that once you open up to it, your view expands and you can now see and experience more and more of the stuff that makes you feel good.

Try it out and spread it around.
So why not experiment with your own gratitude chain? You don't have to be on Facebook or even have internet access to do this.

Simply share what you are finding to appreciate about your life and world with others. Whether it's over the workroom lunchtable or a chat with your neighbor, talk more about what you feel grateful for with others then watch to see who is inspired to continue the practice.

You never know what kind of chain reaction you might set off!