5 Ways to Get the Support and Appreciation You've Been Craving in Your Relationship

By Amy Phillips-Gary

Jack works hard so that his family can live comfortably. He works long days at the office and then attends to his wife's “honey do” list when he gets home. To Jack, all of his efforts seem to go unnoticed by his family.

What he wouldn't give for just a little appreciation for all that he does; some morsel of support wouldn't hurt either!

Have you ever felt like Jack in your relationships?

It seems to you that you work and you sacrifice for your family, your partner or even your friendship and nobody gives you thanks for your efforts. In fact, it may even feel as if you're being taken for granted much of the time.

Wanting to feel appreciated and supported are common experiences for people in relationships.

When you don't feel supported or appreciated by those close to you, resentment and anger can quickly develop. As you probably already know, resentment and anger usually lead to tension and disconnection between you and the people you care about.

You might feel stuck.

You really want to feel that sense of support and gratitude from others, but you don't want to make waves. You might even acknowledge that your partner or others in your relationship are also working hard-- it's not just you who is sacrificing.

So now you may feel resentful and guilty at the same time. This is a downward spiral that isn't going to help you build a healthier, closer and more satisfying relationship!

Instead, try these suggestions...

*Treat yourself the way that you want the other person to treat you.

Too many times we rely on the people around us to fill a void within that we are unwilling to fill for ourselves. This might include: not honoring your true desires, saying yes or no in certain situations just because you think you “should” or putting your physical health on hold in order to care for others.

How can you begin to create an environment of greater support for yourself?

Make a list of specific ways that you want to feel supported and appreciated and then start treating yourself accordingly. Of course, you want those close to you to positively add to this supportive environment-- but you can lead the way and be responsible for your own well-being too.

*Be honest and request what you want from the other person.

You can state your request for more support and appreciation in ways that actually bring you closer to the person or people in your relationships.

You might say, “I know that we've both been burning the candle at both ends lately. I'd like us to talk about ways that we can more fully support each other and connect. Here's one way that I'd like to be supported.... How can I better support you?”

*Express your appreciation for the other person.

Quite often, we can become caught up in the unsatisfactory ways that we are being treated and do not realize that we are engaging in the same behaviors. If you want more appreciation, give more appreciation-- both to yourself and to the other person.

In just about every case, what you put out comes back to you multiplied.

*Notice the improvements.

When you feel lack, it can be easy to fall into the trap of only seeing the lack. It could be that your partner does show you appreciation, for example, but you can't see it because you are focusing only on what he or she is doing that seems wrong or neglectful.

Sometimes the appreciation or support comes in “little” acts or words that can easily be overlooked.

Be aware of what the other person is doing that helps you feel supported. You can always thank the person for his or her efforts and then ask for specific changes, if necessary.

*Keep yourself in an open and receiving mode.

Even as we might crave more support and appreciation in our relationships, many of us walk around closed down and, consequently, we limit what we can receive from others.

People close to us may actually be trying to give us what we desperately want, but we can't let it in.

Your kids might see you as infallible and able to do it all, because that's the outward “mask” you usually wear. Maybe they've even offered to help you in the past but, for one reason or another, you sent the message that you will carry the load all by yourself.

Now that you want support or appreciation, it's not there and you can't figure out why.

Be willing to ask for help, support and the thanks that you desire-- and then be willing to receive it.

The sharing that can happen as you communicate what you want and then stay open to receive it can be amazing.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

By Amy Phillips-Gary

Change is inevitable.

Change happens all of the time, every single day for each of us. No matter how boring and predictable we think our lives are, we-- along with everyone else-- are in constant flux.

Time passes. We get older. Seasons change and the Earth evolves.

In our day-to-day lives, changes are happening too-- on mundane levels as well as those more radical.

We finish one project at work and move on to another one. We make career changes; we end marriages or relationships and we eventually fall in love again.

If change is all around us-- and happening constantly within us-- you'd think we be quite comfortable with it.

Why do so many of us fall apart in the face of change?

I tend to get bored easily, so one might assume that I thrive on change. Not so. I have a habit of becoming nervous, fearful and even controlling when changes are afoot in my life.

There is something about change that feels utterly out of my control-- and, frankly, it is to some degree.

Changes taunt us with an allusion of powerlessness.

I think that this is one reason why change has been so difficult for me in the past. I am reminded of not only my mortality, but also how small and insignificant I am.

I don't mean this as a put-down. Every single one of us is truly very small and insignificant.

At the same time, I believe we are all inter-linked and extensions of an over-arching whole-- Source Energy or God. We are all-powerful, amazing beings even as we are tiny little specks in an immense Universe.

Whether or not we stand tall and confidently move forward toward what we want in life or crumple to the ground and stay stuck in a defensive posture is totally up to each of us.

We can be both directed and allowing. We can be in charge of our lives while, at the same time, we also let go and move with the flow.

Sometimes the false comfort of what we've always known and done causes us suffering and makes us resist change.

As much as a habit or tendency hurts you or the ones you love, you might stubbornly cling to that way of being simply because it's what you know.

Too often, we stay in jobs, relationships or situations in which we are not thriving (or worse) only because we are terrified that we can't come up with anything better.

And who can blame any of us?

We look around and admit that, yes, we are unhappy and dissatisfied. But there is a dark, blank unknowable quality to the alternatives we dare to consider.

There is a certain comfort in being miserable where we are-- and so we tend to stay there.

Stay Present & Focused

Being in the present moment is one way to stop resisting change and begin flowing with it toward what you want.

When you notice you are anxious or worried about changes going on, ask yourself if you are present.

Too often, I project myself into some future place of my fears when I am faced with the unknown.

Instead, I could notice what I am doing and consciously bring myself back to the present.

I can choose not to plan or cast ahead too far into the future when I feel overwhelmed or powerless.

I can remind myself of the decisions I can make right here and right now. And I can release my anxiety about all of the rest.

At the same time, I can also keep myself focused on the vision for what I ultimately want.

When faced with a change, create room in your attention for a clear vision of the outcome or experience you'd like to have.

You can be where you are, making decisions in the here and now. And you can also maintain a vision for what you'd like to encounter next.

After all, if you are charged up and excited about your future and you keep making choices that line you up with that future, it's less likely that you will drag your heels or short-circuit your own efforts.

Stand Behind Your Choices

So many of us speed along toward a goal and then encounter some obstacle (often an unexpected change) which seems to throw us totally off-course.

We then may feel insecure about the grand vision we had. The excitement is shattered and we often feel lost and, yet again, powerless and ineffectual.

When this happens, it's time to check in with yourself and decide what you want to do next. As you do so, stand behind your choices.

No matter how much of a mistake you think you've made, stand tall and confident with dignity and have the courage to get back on the path you were on or turn toward a new one.

Yes, change happens.

And isn't it wonderful that no matter what a moment or situation is like, it can always get better?

Something Is Standing In My Way...Oh Wait, It's Me!?

By Amy Phillips-Gary

Have you ever been so close to having the job, relationship, car, vacation, or whatever it is that you want but something happens that seems to prevent you from actually having that desire come into fruition?

What is it that blasted thing or person that's standing in between you and what you want?

When I've been in such a place, I sometimes delude myself into thinking that it's another person or some outside force that is the spoiler.

This delusion is the “easy way” to deal with my frustration and disappointment that what I want is not happening anytime soon. Unfortunately, this “easy way” also gives all of the creative power to somebody or some entity apart from myself.

I am off the hook, so to speak, but I am also left feeling quite a bit helpless.

When I really look at what's going on in my life and I ask myself why I'm not living the ecstatically happy and blissfully abundant experience I crave, I am the main reason why.

Of course, I have so much that's going wonderfully in my life. I appreciate and acknowledge how truly blessed I am.

And of course, I do not live in a vacuum. There are other people, institutions and organizations that impact my life.

But it's time to stop pretending that these outside forces are determining my experience!

Obstacles of our own making

Almost every single one of us short-circuits our own desires at times to lesser and greater degrees.

As much as you claim that you want to start your own business, meet your perfect partner or travel the world, it's quite likely that the reason you haven't moved closer to realizing these aspirations is you.

Even if what you want is not a huge change or move from what you know right now, you can still stand in your own way.

Why?

Sometimes we put up obstacles to what we want because we actually don't want those things-- or we feel conflicted.

When your heart is not in whatever it is you are doing, it makes perfect sense that you would drag yourself along-- possibly even kicking and screaming!

Other times you are clearer about what you want, but you don't feel deserving of actually having it. So many of us lug around old beliefs about ourselves, the world and others from our past.

Like the proverbial self-fulfilling prophecy, you expect yourself to mess up when it really counts-- with your partner, your kids, your friends and at work-- and so you do.

So when the breakup happens, the fights occur or the promotion never comes, you are not surprised.

Clear the way

Blues singer Keb Mo sings: “Get out the way and let your light shine.” These are wonderfully wise words...but don't always seem easy to do!

In order to get out of your own way and start manifesting what you want in life, you need to clear up your self-limiting habits.

Start to notice what it is you believe and acknowledge that these beliefs might have made sense at one time in your past-- try not to cast blame or judgments on yourself.

When you uncover a belief, ask yourself if it feels open and expansive or closed and limiting.

What happens to your shoulders, your jaw, the pit of your stomach? Even a slight tension or sense of holding can signal that a particular thought or belief is keeping you stuck.

I don't advise you to start re-living your past, but it can be extremely helpful to offer yourself extra love and care around those tight and tense areas that link to limiting beliefs rooted in your past.

You might find that you need to make a completion about something in the past that is lending extra intensity to your beliefs. If so, follow through and do that.

Remember to be gentle and loving with yourself. Know that you have the power to clear up your thoughts and create space for new ways of living.

From this clearer space, allow what you want to unfold. Don't force it or try to “make” your dreams happen.

Act when you are inspired to act, even when it seems crazy or different than what you'd usually do.

Remind yourself that you are supported, loved and worthy. Cultivate trust in yourself, your inner knowing and your Source.

As you let these truths fill your thinking and your whole being, there is literally nothing you cannot do!