Boost Your Self Esteem: Stop the Storytelling

By Amy Phillips-Gary

When I was in high school, I had the honor of being in many plays and musicals*. It was wonderfully creative and fun to be up on stage singing, dancing and acting with friends.

And it was also a gut-wrenching experience.

Before and after each show I usually assessed my performance. Almost every time, I honed in on the mistakes I made (or expected to make)-- lines out of order, missteps or voice slightly off-key.

One of my grandmothers attended as many of my plays, musicals and concerts as she could. After every single performance, she would gush and shower me with praise about how talented I am, how much I shone on that stage and other delightful compliments.

So, who's assessment of my performance was accurate?

Of course, she was my grandmother and, given who she was, she was going to see only the best in me. As a self-conscious teen who tended to also be self-critical, my propensity was to mainly see the flaws.

Neither of our stories were completely true. At the same time, neither of our stories were completely false. Up on that stage I undoubtedly made mistakes and I undoubtedly also shined.

We all tell stories. We tell ourselves stories about why a person said particular words to us. We tell ourselves stories about why our government is the the way it is. We also tell ourselves stories about who we are and what we can and cannot be.

Low self esteem is almost always founded upon a person repeating to him or herself story after story about inadequacy, failure and limitation.

If you live with low self esteem, start to pay closer attention to the stories you tell yourself. Notice your stories and be aware of how they probably tie in with past events in your life.

Our stories are usually rooted in the past. It might be helpful for you to acknowledge how tied to the past your present story about yourself may be.

Ask if the story you are telling yourself is a fit for where you are at this moment. If it isn't, why not let it go?

Sometimes an old story you've been repeating over and over again appears to be somewhat true. If so, recognize this as a story about one aspect of how you are right now. This is not necessarily how you will be tomorrow.

Take responsibility for the stories you tell yourself. After all, you are the master storyteller of your own life.

Even if you initially heard these criticisms or negative declarations from a parent, sibling, peer or another adult, you get to decide which stories to keep telling yourself and which to release.

In other words, you can stop telling yourself the stories that continue to fuel your low self esteem. Instead, you can begin to create and affirm different stories about yourself that will boost your sense of self worth.

This isn't about fantasy. Your new, self-affirming stories can focus in on those aspects about yourself and your life that you are okay with. They might also include intentions that will help you make the changes you'd like to make.

Your new stories can start out small and build into the epic adventures of success, love, abundance, worthiness and joy that you desire.

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*The image above is NOT of me on stage as a teenager. It is thanks to dmblue444

Personal Growth Planet blog is taking part in National Blog Posting Month (http://www.nablopomo.com/). Every weekday in November, you'll find shorter daily blogs linked by weekly themes.

Boost Your Self Esteem...It Could Be One of the Most Selfless Things You'll Ever Do

By Amy Phillips-Gary

Have you ever felt stuck and stagnated in your life but couldn't bring yourself to make a change? You might feel disappointed about who you are and where you are, but you don't feel like you have the time or energy to do anything about it.

It's quite possible that low self esteem is part of the reason why you feel so immobilized and unhappy.

Maybe you already have so many things and people demanding your attention, it seems that there literally is no time for you-- to get that manicure you've always wanted to have, to take a class you're interested in or to start figuring out why you tend to feel inadequate most days.

Even if you had the time, wouldn't it be selfish to spend it on yourself?

If you feel unfulfilled and unworthy, I suggest that it's PAST time for you to offer at least some of your attention to boosting your self esteem. Additionally, bolstering your self esteem is actually a very selfless act!

If you tend to go through life feeling less than good at what you do or even not good at all as a person, you owe it not only to yourself, but to every single person in your life to create space, time and a willingness within yourself to improve your self esteem.

Your low self esteem probably goes way back...
It's likely that your lagging sense of self worth spans back to your preteen and teen years, if not earlier. Studies have shown that girls in particular usually experience a self esteem peak around the age of 9.

These are a scant number of years during which a human being feels worthy and positively about herself (or himself). Boys face challenges to their self esteem as well.

Early experiences and beliefs can also leave deep scars.

As adults, we usually attempt to hide away our emotional scars as well as our low self esteem. But they are there and they rise to the surface in a myriad of ways.

For example, I often become uncomfortable when I am complimented. There are probably a whole host of reasons for this tendency of mine. One is most definitely a belief that I do not deserve that praise-- this is linked in with low self esteem.

I think that it is far more common for adults to experience a lagging sense of self worth than one might expect. After all, we are grown up, we're supposed to be beyond that insecurity thing, right?

Nope.

It's time for each of us to look inside ourselves and begin to notice the times when we put ourselves down, deflect compliments or otherwise shrink away and cut ourselves off from our strengths and passions.

Boosting your self esteem is actually a selfless act...
Even if you are well aware of your low self esteem, you might not be taking steps to improve it because you feel so busy already and the idea of boosting your self worth seems, well, selfish.

Let me put it this way. If you feel inadequate, stagnated and stuck where you are and whom you have become, you are probably the very same way you feel in your relationships with others.

You truly cannot be the loving, giving and valuing partner, parent, son/daughter, co-worker, employee, etc. without feeling love, respect and value for yourself first.

There is little or nothing to give to others in your life except your own dissatisfaction when you continue to ignore or foster low self esteem.

These statements are not meant to guilt trip you into making changes in the way you view yourself. Instead, it is my intention to assert to you that when you take even the tiniest of steps to boost your self esteem everyone in your life-- especially you-- can benefit.

Yes, you might feel resistant to changing even this hurtful habit because it's what you've known for so long. And you may also feel worried about what this might mean to your relationships and your life.

Notice your resistance, your worries and your fears and do this anyway.

Make a choice to begin to feel better about yourself and know that you can (and will) enjoy improved self esteem and an improved life because of it.

In the following days on this blog I will take a deeper look at low self esteem. This includes exploring what fuels low self esteem as well as strategies to develop new habits that will improve self worth and esteem along the way.
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Personal Growth Planet blog is taking part in National Blog Posting Month (http://www.nablopomo.com/). Every weekday in November, you'll find shorter daily blogs linked by weekly themes.

Feed Your Soul: Appreciate and Bask in the Glow

By Amy Phillips-Gary

All week we've been building up to feeding your soul.*

Keeping the access to your soul as open as possible, listening to your inner guidance and even dealing with those times when you aren't comfortable with what your soul is directing you to do have been topics for your consideration.

When it comes down to it, all of these actually help you to nourish and feed your soul.

Every time you choose to check in with yourself and honor how you feel deep down inside rather than check out through old habits, you are feeding your soul.

Every time you connect in with your inner guidance and truly listen to what you are being inspired to do, be or have rather than disconnect and discount that “voice” coming from within or through you, your soul is being fed.

Each and every time you decide to find something about yourself and your life to appreciate instead of mostly focusing on the aspects you don't like, you feed your soul.

And this is today's suggestion for enlivening your life and nurturing your soul....Appreciate!

I know, this probably isn't the first time you've been advised to appreciate what you have. Many of us can remember being told as children to appreciate the lima beans or brussel sprouts staring us down on our dinner plates because, “children in China are starving.” Knowing this did not make it any easier to eat those less-than-savory veggies.

As an adult, you might so very much want to appreciate your run-down car, house in need of repair, job that pays too little, children who don't seem to respect you and partner that just doesn't “get” you in the way you want-- but you just can't seem to do it!

I'm not going to encourage you to appreciate your unsatisfying job because so many people in this country don't even have one right now. Guilt trips or fear rides like this just don't work. That's absolutely NOT what appreciation is about.

What I will suggest is for all of us to look around (and within) and find at least one thing we can feel some morsel of true appreciation about.

It might be the sun that's glistening on the frost-covered grass outside. It could be the smile you give to a neighbor-- or even a complete stranger-- and the one reflected back at you. It may be the way that you and your partner worked together as a loving team to tackle a difficult situation recently.

When you come into the present moment and you widen your perspective of what's happening, there is always something you can find to appreciate.

The key is to be in the present moment and to have an expanded view, however. If you're busy thinking about how many times in the past you and your mate have butted heads when a challenge arises, you're going to miss out on this time when the two of you are working together cooperatively.

And, if all you are honed in on is how crime-ridden your local news declares your city to be, that smile- sharing and potential warmth between you and a stranger will pass you by.

The image above is of our cat Sizzle who truly seems to appreciate the sun. I can't know for sure if a cat can feel appreciation the way that I do, but she certainly seems to be basking in the sun and smiling happily in her comfort and delight.

To me, Sizzle's basking and apparent appreciation exemplify feeding your soul.

Come into your present moment, discover what you can appreciate and allow yourself to bask in the glow.

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*The concept of “Soul” is being used here in an expansive and two-fold manner. In one sense, it is the higher power-- Source, God, Goddess, Allah, Yahweh, Great Spirit or other name that resonates for you. Additionally, it is the essence, the animating principle that is you. These can be inter-linked or distinct depending on your belief system.

Personal Growth Planet blog is taking part in National Blog Posting Month (http://www.nablopomo.com/). Every weekday in November, you'll find shorter daily blogs linked by weekly themes.

Feed Your Soul: What if I don't like what I hear?

By Amy Phillips-Gary

So far in this week's Feed Your Soul-themed blogs we've assessed how truly alive and engaged with life we are, learned about ways to interrupt ourselves when we fall into autopilot mode and discovered how to cut the chatter so that we can each enjoy clearer access to our souls.*

Now what?

When you have expanded access to your soul will your life automatically be easy, glow-y and always happy? Well, not necessarily.

To walk around in this life vibrantly alive doesn't necessarily mean you're forever in a state of blissful joy. There are exceptions to this, of course.

Sometimes when you are tuned in to your soul and really listening to what your inner guidance is directing you to be, do or have it gets uncomfortable. You might not like what you hear from your soul from time to time.

When I am guided to ease up and grant more space and independence to my sons, for example, I know this is a soul-derived directive. Some wiser part of me is certain that my sons, my relationship with them and even I will truly benefit.

But there is a resistance-- the worrier (what if something bad happens?), the griever (do my kids have to grow up so fast already?), the controller (after all, I do know best!?)-- that doesn't want to hear what my soul has to say.

At this point of resistance to my inner guidance, I get to choose my response.
--I can ignore my soul's wisdom and fall into an autopilot mode of old habits.

--I can go into autopilot mode, numb out in some way and pretend that none of this is happening.

--I can get very involved in rationalizing the situation, i.e. let the mind chatter take over.

--I can set aside my worries, grief and controlling impulses and just follow through on my inner guidance's request.

--I can go within and be certain that what I am “hearing” is truly coming from my inner guidance. Using cut the chatter strategies can help make this distinction.

--I can “sit with” how I am feeling and allow myself time to calm down and perhaps become more open to what my soul is calling on me to do before taking any action.

In every single situation there are always many possible solutions and even if you fall into autopilot or somehow ignore your soul's wisdom, the great news is it's always there for you.

All you have to do is open up, listen and trust.

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*The concept of “Soul” is being used here in an expansive and two-fold manner. In one sense, it is the higher power-- Source, God, Goddess, Allah, Yahweh, Great Spirit or other name that resonates for you. Additionally, it is the essence, the animating principle that is you. These can be inter-linked or distinct depending on your belief system.


Personal Growth Planet blog is taking part in National Blog Posting Month (http://www.nablopomo.com/). Every weekday in November, you'll find shorter daily blogs linked by weekly themes.

Feed Your Soul: Cut the Chatter and Listen

By Amy Phillips-Gary

This week's blogs center around questions such as: “How engaged are you with your own life?” and include suggestions for how to nourish your soul*.

As a prerequisite for feeding your soul, yesterday I shared a few strategies you can use when you notice yourself falling into autopilot mode. Instead of moving through life dulled and dazed or simply reacting to situations from old habits, you can interrupt autopilot and create space so that you can tune in to your soul.

Within this space, you can begin to listen. You can more readily hear the inner guidance, wisdom and clarity that you've possibly been yearning for all along. It is your soul-- which can be experienced as either within, outside of you, or both-- that holds the ultimate answers to your most difficult life questions.

Whether or not you will leave or stay in a relationship, if it's time to look for a new job, how to resolve heartache that you've been carrying around, by what means you could break a habit that's holding you back-- these challenges and more DO have solutions that can help you thrive and be the person you're wanting to be.

But you won't have access to these answers unless your connection with your soul is clear.

I can't even count the number of times that I've been struggling with a heavy problem-- or even just a minor irritation-- and the chatter in my head seems to be drowning out my inner guidance. This chatter might take the form of to-do lists, memories of a conversation I had that day, self-criticizing thoughts or “white noise” types of inner interference like a song I heard on the radio re-playing over and over.

In much the same way that you interrupt autopilot mode, you can make a conscious decision to cut the chatter so that you can increase access to your soul.

First of all, notice that the chatter in your mind has “taken over.” Be gentle with yourself and decide if it's really serving you to rehash an annoying incident you had with a co-worker, for example. Will this focus allow you to access your inner guidance and soul?

All of this takes practice. You might find yourself re-focusing and guiding yourself back to a place where you can truly listen over and over again throughout your day. And this is ok. The decision is truly up to you.

Meditation is a powerful clearing tool.
Meditating is one of the most effective strategies I've found to cut the chatter in my mind and open up to my soul. The great news is, you don't have to set aside hours each day or sit in uncomfortable positions in order to benefit from this practice!

There are so many ways to meditate and I encourage you to learn more by doing an internet search, talking with people who regularly meditate and checking out the free meditation articles at the Personal Growth Planet website.

You can meditate sitting on a zafu (a special meditation pillow), in a chair or lying on your bed. You can even walk, ride your bike, knead bread dough and fold clothes while meditating.

While there are several specific meditation techniques, here are some basic guidelines:

Breathe deeply and from your diaphragm. Keep your focus trained on the breath and allow the chatter in your mind to fade away. Simply continue to return to your breathing. You can even say to yourself, “I am breathing in. I am breathing out.”

If feelings come up for you, allow them to rise and fall away. Keep breathing as the grief, the fear, the anger or another feeling moves through you. This is an important part of the clearing process.

As you meditate, you will probably relax and release tension-- even if you also experience difficult emotions. It is here in this space of openness and clarity that you can listen to your soul.

Don't be surprised if you are given information, assurance or other affirmations during or after you meditate. These are messages from your soul. There is a deeper knowing about these understandings, words or calls to action that is completely different from the chatter in your mind.

This is a gift from your Source, through your soul.

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*The concept of “Soul” is being used here in an expansive and two-fold manner. In one sense, it is the higher power-- Source, God, Goddess, Allah, Yahweh, Great Spirit or other name that resonates for you. Additionally, it is the essence, the animating principle that is you. These can be inter-linked or distinct depending on your belief system.


Personal Growth Planet blog is taking part in National Blog Posting Month. Every weekday in November, you'll find shorter daily blogs linked by weekly themes.

Feed Your Soul: Interrupting Autopilot

By Amy Phillips-Gary

I started out the week yesterday by asking a lot of questions. In the midst of these death-oriented holidays (many of which celebrate the lives of loved ones whom have passed), how truly alive do you tend to be?

Connecting in with your soul is absolutely required in order to keep it fed and nurtured. And nourishing your soul is key to living the vibrant and engaged kind of life you might be craving and not seeming to be able to bring about.

One huge stumbling block to this first step of connecting in with your soul is the tendency that many of us have to move through our lives in a sort of autopilot. It's pretty clear that when you are in autopilot, you are separate and disconnected from your soul.*

Sometimes being in autopilot looks and feels like a dulled or even deadened state. The person is merely going through the motions of life. There is no apparent zest or excitement about the experiences that this person is having. Or, if this type of engagement with life does occur, it is rare.

Other times, checking out involves falling back into old, limiting habits. The person, usually without being conscious of it, reverts back to behaviors and reactions that were more active in his or her past. These are ways of being that do not support the kind of life the person is trying to create now.

For example, I tend to get controlling when I am in autopilot mode. There is usually some trigger and, before I know it, I am harping on my kids and partner about just about everything and anything. It's not pretty and it's not fun for any of us involved.

In either case, we can become so deeply checked out that we don't even recognize that we are in autopilot mode to begin with!

The challenge is to begin to recognize when you are in autopilot and then interrupt that pattern. The ultimate goal here is to begin to re-connect with your soul so that you can listen to what you need to thrive.

Become practiced at observing yourself. Your positive growth will not be supported if you are observing yourself with a hyper-critical eye, however. Instead, try stopping what you are doing for a few moments 3 or more times a day and just notice.

--What are you feeling?

--What are the needs you have?

--What thoughts are active within you?

If it is difficult for you to tap into this information, you might possibly have fallen into autopilot mode. If so, try to better understand the trigger that might have set you down this checked out path. What's behind your current mood or state?

Interrogate Your “Shoulds”

The “shoulds” are often operating behind the scenes when I fall into autopilot. Unfortunately, I still hold many beliefs about how a “good mother/wife/daughter/woman/human being” should be. When something comes up in my life to trigger those shoulds, I often clamp down, disengage and become controlling.

Old habits like this can be stopped in their tracks when the shoulds (or other beliefs) that drive them are questioned. During one of those 3 or more times a day when you are observing yourself and checking in, pay particular attention to any shoulds that are rearing their heads.

When you encounter a should, ask yourself what would happen if you don't follow through on what you think you-- or another person-- should do, say, or be. Is there room for different and additional ways of being in this situation?

Probably so.

Just about every time I interrogate a should, I find that there are far more possibilities than I initially could perceive.

And this is the ah-ha moment that almost always allows me to loosen up and re-engage with myself and my soul. (Not to mention the fact that I can usually ease up on those around me as well!)

The triggers that seem to send you into autopilot mode could be very different than mine. I highly recommend incorporating into your day these observation moments. When you discover that you have checked out, dig deeper and find out what you need.

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*The concept of “Soul” is being used here in an expansive and two-fold manner. In one sense, it is the higher power-- Source, God, Goddess, Allah, Yahweh, Great Spirit or other name that resonates for you. Additionally, it is the essence, the animating principle that is you. These can be inter-linked or distinct depending on your belief system.

Personal Growth Planet blog is taking part in National Blog Posting Month. Every weekday in November, you'll find daily blogs linked by weekly themes.

Why Feed Your Soul...and does it like chocolate?

By Amy Phillips-Gary

*November is National Blog Posting Month. I'm going to mix it up a bit here at the Personal Growth Planet blog and try this (at least every weekday-- can't guarantee weekends.). So for November, you'll find shorter daily blogs with weekly themes. Thanks for reading and, as always, I hope you are inspired!

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My friend, Alissa Sorenson, shared a fascinating and heart-stirring account of one of her ancestors in her blog about All Souls Day. In this season of Halloween, Samhain, Dia de los Muertos and All Souls Day our attentions are drawn to the dead.

We honor ancestors and can learn a lot about where we've come from by taking a look back at the lessons of their lives. One question I am asking myself in light of these lessons and death-oriented holidays is this...

How fully alive am I right now?

Even as I respectfully admire and acknowledge those who have come before me, I wonder if I am as engaged and vitally connected in with life as I could be.

It's certainly easy to fall into a dull and numbed kind of existence where you are virtually walking around dead-ened. There are seemingly unending lists of things to do, places to be, responsibilities to fulfill at work, at home and for personal health. In the blink of an eye, your primary existence can become these lists and responsibilities.

What gets lost in the process? Your alive soul.

For me, the soul is a two-fold notion.

Yes, the soul is that part of each of us that is connected in (or not) with a higher source. This can be known as Source, God, Goddess, Allah, Yahweh, Great Spirit or whatever name might resonate.

If you believe in a higher source, the soul is that channel by which guidance, inspiration and even downright rescue can come through. When your soul is healthy and nurtured, you know that something that is you and is also huger than you “has your back” and that somehow it's all going to work out.

There is a certain energy and vibrance that comes with this knowing.

The concept of “soul” can also be expanded and even generalized somewhat. You can actually be agnostic or even an atheist and be open to a sense of soul.

In this broader conception, your soul can be understood as that essence and depth of your being. It is that part of you that transcends personality, socioeconomic status, body size or skin color. The dictionary defines the soul as the “animating principle.”

Without soul, we can easily become robotic and essentially heart-less shells. A deadened-soul life is one in which a person goes through the motions of living but doesn't really do it with presence, zest or even a semblance of vitality.

So no matter how spiritual or non-spiritual you consider yourself to be, today I encourage you to think about your soul. How much of a priority do you place on feeding and connecting in with your soul?

How alive or dead do you tend to be in your day-to-day life?

*Tomorrow read about how to flip out of auto-pilot and begin to re-connect with your soul.
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Huge thanks to Alissa Sorenson pictured above in Dia de los Muertos costume. Face painting by Mik of Big Smiley and photograph by Mollie Hannon.