Give Yourself an Upgrade

By Amy Phillips-Gary

How long has it been since you've given yourself an upgrade?

In these times and conditions dominated by downsizing and scaling back, it may have been quite some time since you've upgraded yourself or your life.

A national food chain recently ran an advertisement on tv that showed co-workers riding an elevator up to their offices in the morning. One woman held in her hands a breakfast sandwich and coffee while speaking with a colleague with a very very tiny and disproportionately small waist because he's been “tightening his belt.”

The problem with the constant belt-tightening and scaling back that many of us are doing is that it often results in an overall feeling of constriction. Not only are you limiting the amount of money you spend, you could also box yourself into a very tense and tight place largely because of the fear and expectations of lack and scarcity that can accompany a downsizing mindset.

Let me be clear here...

As I encourage you to upgrade yourself and your life, I'm not advocating that you max out your credit cards or bombard yourself with material objects.

The kind of upgrade that I'm recommending starts on the inside with a shift in attitude, perception and expectation and it almost always extends to your outside body, career, health, finances, relationships and life.

When you upgrade your computer or laptop, sometimes you go out and purchase a brand new model that is shinier and features more options. Upgrades also happen inside the computer. Perhaps a larger RAM is installed in your existing machine. Maybe some new programs are downloaded. Often old files are deleted or placed on a memory stick or some other kind of external storage device.

The effects of a computer upgrade are usually quicker and more efficient operations and/or expanded options and features.

There are so many ways that you can upgrade yourself and your life. If you feel overwhelmed or at a loss when you consider what to upgrade, try this exercise...

Find a quiet and comfortable space where you can be uninterrupted. Place paper and a pen near where you are sitting or reclining. Move your attention to within yourself. Focus mostly on your breathing. If you know how to meditate, you can use meditation techniques to help.

Clear your mind from the busy-ness of your day and slow yourself down. Once you are relaxed and your mind is relatively clear, ask your future self to communicate with you. Just invite your future self into your awareness. This future self is ultimately wiser and more experienced than you are now because she or he has already made it through the current challenges you might face.

Ask your future self to share with you a few of the expansions in yourself and your life 1 year from today. You can write these down on your paper to remember them. Now ask your future self what has changed about you and your life in 5 years and then 10 years.

If feelings of resistance, doubt or fear come up, make note of those, but continue to listen to your future self. This exercise can help you become clearer about the areas of your life that you might begin to upgrade in the near future.

Your encounter with your future self isn't meant to cement your actual future in stone. This is merely a sparking point to put into motion potential and desired change.

Your life is up to you to create and it is always changing. When you allow for an upgrade and then take inspired action, you nourish growth and expansion.

Look at the notes you took during the “conversation” with your future self. Are you particularly drawn to any of the areas listed? If so, choose one area in which you will begin to upgrade. Start to consider what an upgrade to your health, your financial state, your relationships, your physical living and working space or other areas might look like.

From this vision of the upgrade you chose, you can begin to open up to changes in your habits, your responses and your activities that will move you closer to actually living your vision.

Take your time and be gentle with yourself as you make changes. Each time you encounter inner resistance to the upgrade you want, return to your vision and to the eager or hopeful feelings that accompany it.

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*The future self exercise was adapted from Co-Active Coaching by Laura Whitworth, Karen Kimsey-House, Henry Kimsey-House and Phillip Sandahl.

*Personal Growth Planet blog is taking part in National Blog Posting Month (http://www.nablopomo.com/). Every weekday in November, you'll find daily blogs linked by weekly themes.

Feed Your Soul: Interrupting Autopilot

By Amy Phillips-Gary

I started out the week yesterday by asking a lot of questions. In the midst of these death-oriented holidays (many of which celebrate the lives of loved ones whom have passed), how truly alive do you tend to be?

Connecting in with your soul is absolutely required in order to keep it fed and nurtured. And nourishing your soul is key to living the vibrant and engaged kind of life you might be craving and not seeming to be able to bring about.

One huge stumbling block to this first step of connecting in with your soul is the tendency that many of us have to move through our lives in a sort of autopilot. It's pretty clear that when you are in autopilot, you are separate and disconnected from your soul.*

Sometimes being in autopilot looks and feels like a dulled or even deadened state. The person is merely going through the motions of life. There is no apparent zest or excitement about the experiences that this person is having. Or, if this type of engagement with life does occur, it is rare.

Other times, checking out involves falling back into old, limiting habits. The person, usually without being conscious of it, reverts back to behaviors and reactions that were more active in his or her past. These are ways of being that do not support the kind of life the person is trying to create now.

For example, I tend to get controlling when I am in autopilot mode. There is usually some trigger and, before I know it, I am harping on my kids and partner about just about everything and anything. It's not pretty and it's not fun for any of us involved.

In either case, we can become so deeply checked out that we don't even recognize that we are in autopilot mode to begin with!

The challenge is to begin to recognize when you are in autopilot and then interrupt that pattern. The ultimate goal here is to begin to re-connect with your soul so that you can listen to what you need to thrive.

Become practiced at observing yourself. Your positive growth will not be supported if you are observing yourself with a hyper-critical eye, however. Instead, try stopping what you are doing for a few moments 3 or more times a day and just notice.

--What are you feeling?

--What are the needs you have?

--What thoughts are active within you?

If it is difficult for you to tap into this information, you might possibly have fallen into autopilot mode. If so, try to better understand the trigger that might have set you down this checked out path. What's behind your current mood or state?

Interrogate Your “Shoulds”

The “shoulds” are often operating behind the scenes when I fall into autopilot. Unfortunately, I still hold many beliefs about how a “good mother/wife/daughter/woman/human being” should be. When something comes up in my life to trigger those shoulds, I often clamp down, disengage and become controlling.

Old habits like this can be stopped in their tracks when the shoulds (or other beliefs) that drive them are questioned. During one of those 3 or more times a day when you are observing yourself and checking in, pay particular attention to any shoulds that are rearing their heads.

When you encounter a should, ask yourself what would happen if you don't follow through on what you think you-- or another person-- should do, say, or be. Is there room for different and additional ways of being in this situation?

Probably so.

Just about every time I interrogate a should, I find that there are far more possibilities than I initially could perceive.

And this is the ah-ha moment that almost always allows me to loosen up and re-engage with myself and my soul. (Not to mention the fact that I can usually ease up on those around me as well!)

The triggers that seem to send you into autopilot mode could be very different than mine. I highly recommend incorporating into your day these observation moments. When you discover that you have checked out, dig deeper and find out what you need.

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*The concept of “Soul” is being used here in an expansive and two-fold manner. In one sense, it is the higher power-- Source, God, Goddess, Allah, Yahweh, Great Spirit or other name that resonates for you. Additionally, it is the essence, the animating principle that is you. These can be inter-linked or distinct depending on your belief system.

Personal Growth Planet blog is taking part in National Blog Posting Month. Every weekday in November, you'll find daily blogs linked by weekly themes.

Be Prepared!

By Amy Phillips-Gary

A few days ago a headline on the cover of my city's newspaper advised readers to “Prepare for H1N1.” This cautionary lead was followed up by a list of steps that can be taken in order to minimize the affects of this strain of influenza that's reportedly making the rounds.

Cold and flu season happens every year. This time, however, there has been a particular focus on the H1N1 flu.

Countless news reports and websites share the list of symptoms. You can even go online to track where the H1N1 flu has shown up across the country and the world.

Our local YMCA has reminders posted throughout the building and on all exercise equipment about how to disinfect the space. Signs on the front door make the request that those with H1N1 symptoms to stay away. Bottles of antibacterial hand sanitizer seem to be available everywhere.

The preparations appear in full swing for the expected onslaught of this influenza.

Some of the people I know are getting sick and I even read about a teenager in my city who actually died from complications of H1N1.

But I can't help but wonder if we are preparing so much for a flu epidemic, we are actually making ourselves sick!

When the local newspaper tries to offer me tips for how to “prepare for H1N1,” I just say no thanks!

Instead, I am preparing for health and wellness.

You tend to get what you expect.

You might not realize it but your expectations can actually create the reality you live. Many of us have heard the term “self-fulfilling prophecy.”

This plays out as the slow or troubled child who nobody (including the child him or herself) believes will ever amount to much, ends up meeting everyone's low expectations.

Of course, there are those exceptions to the rule who surpass and overcome limiting expectations, lead successful lives and contribute positively to the world.

The point here is what you expect and what you prepare for usually manifests.

Your expectations are usually based on the past experiences you've had and also what you've learned from others. Expectations are inextricably linked to your beliefs.

This is especially accurate when it comes to your body and your health.

How many times have you been in the presence of a person who was obviously ill and then, after worrying about catching the illness yourself, you inevitably do?

Of course, there are germs floating about. But why is it that some people can seem to walk through a room of coughing and nose-blowing and come through just as healthy and resilient as before and others quite quickly succumb?

I believe that expectations play a huge role in these different experiences.

Even if the law of attraction does not resonate with your belief system, consider the countless scientific studies that show how damaging to the immune system fear and worry are.

I watch my thoughts and I pay attention to the influences I am surrounding myself with.

When I read about the flu, I notice that I often feel concern for my family and myself. I feel compassion for those who are suffering right now and I also feel grateful that at this moment I feel well and full of energy.

After these acknowledgments, I return to my belief that my body (and those of my loved ones) is strong and functioning optimally.

I expect this great health to continue and know that if I do become ill, I will rebound quickly and thoroughly.

When I take an action that affects my health, I choose actions that keep me lined up with this expectation and desired experience.

If taking extra vitamin C or health supplements helps me continue to feel aligned with optimum health, I will take those actions. If continuing to care for my body by washing my hands, exercising regularly and eating a balanced diet feels like it will keep me pointed toward wellness, I will also take those actions.

Pay attention to what you are expecting for your own health. Where do your thoughts tend to spend most of the time?

You can always re-direct your thinking, question your own beliefs and form new expectations for your health and your life. These shifts can happen at any time with beneficial effects.

So, what are you preparing for?

What Did You Expect?

By Amy Phillips-Gary

Recently, esteemed Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates was arrested after he was “caught” “breaking in” to his own home in Massachusetts.

A call about suspicious activity at the house was reported to police who arrived to find Professor Gates, an African-American man, and his driver trying to force entrance into Gates' home because the front door was stuck.

What might have been a harmless and easily explained encounter quickly escalated and Gates ended up being booked for disorderly conduct.

In the aftermath of this incident, allegations of racism have been lobbed about and even U.S. President Barack Obama declared that the police acted “stupidly.”

I wasn't at the scene of this very unfortunate incident. I have not spoken with either Professor Gates or the police officers involved.

What I suspect, however, is that this situation did not have to turn out this way. The expectations of probably all involved created a scene in which an innocent man was arrested and a potential lawsuit with negative ramifications could follow.

So was racism a motivator in this case?

Yes, it probably was.

The U.S. has a long history of racism that will take a long time to unlearn. But that does not necessarily mean that the police officers involved are members of the KKK or even that they consciously or regularly discriminate against people who are not white-skinned.

I speculate that a context of racism-- that Professor Gates studies, observes and has probably experienced-- also played a role in Gates' reaction to being approached and questioned by the white police officers arriving on the scene with a report of a break-in.

Expectations on both sides most likely led to this situation that could have ended without incident.

What are your expectations?

We expect a bridge to hold us up as we drive over it. We expect the people we care about to support us when we need them. We expect the sun to rise and then set each day.

Most of us also harbor expectations that people will behave in specific ways because of the identity markers such as race, sex, class, ethnicity, age and sexuality we perceive.

We all have expectations, yet most of us don't realize how motivated we are by them.

When you tune in and begin to listen to your own expectations, you might be surprised and, perhaps, even feel a little ashamed. I can find within myself particular expectations that I am not too proud of.

Our expectations do not have to be categorized as dichotomously either “good” or “bad.” Instead, you could acknowledge what you discover about yourself and ask if it's pointing you in a direction you desire.

Are the expectations you have of yourself, your life and others-- whether they be family, friends or complete strangers-- allowing you to live the way you want to live?

This is the question to consider.

Too many times, our expectations severely limit us. We become closed in and stuck with a “this is the way it is” or “that is the way he or she is/I am” kind of mindset.

Open up and meet each person in the present

To acknowledge and question your expectations requires you to stay tuned in to your feelings and thoughts.

Expectations can sometimes feel narrow and closed. It's as if your beliefs and perceptions of yourself and others are like that stuck front door to Professor Gates' home.

What can you do to bring more ease to a situation so that your own symbolic door can freely open?

You might encourage yourself to form new expectations. Despite what you've learned, been told or have previously experienced, perhaps now you are willing to expect to connect and interact with others in peaceful and loving ways.

Meet every person and situation you come upon as if for the first time-- with an open heart and mind.

Practice staying present and awake. Really listen to what the people you are with are saying. Feel into yourself to decide-- in each moment-- how you want to respond to what's going on.

You might just be astounded by the effects.