Are Your Instincts Taking Over?

By Amy Phillips-Gary

In a few days, the culmination of American professional football's year happens. The Indianapolis Colts take on the New Orleans Saints at the Superbowl.

I recently listened to an interesting story on NPR about Colt's quarterback Peyton Manning. The story about Manning lauded his abilities as a quarterback-- especially when he's in what's called “the clutch.”

I'm not even close to a football expert so please forgive my generalizations (and possible mistakes) here....

“The clutch,” from my novice understanding, is when the quarterback has the ball and is under pressure from the opposing team's defensive line. Sometimes “the clutch” also refers to a situation in which little time remains on the clock, the team is behind in scoring and the quarterback needs to lead the way to pull out a win.

In the NPR story, quarterbacks who, like Manning, are known for thriving when in the clutch talk about operating from instinct.

The adrenaline is pumping and these quarterbacks don't recall going through a rational thought process in the moment-- their training, repeated practicing and body memory literally take over.

For Peyton Manning, and other quarterbacks who tend to succeed in the clutch, operating with automatic precision can mean a big win for the team as well as a boost to his (or her) stats and career.

When you or I go through life operating mainly by instinct, however, we can end up repeating and reinforcing habits that don't allow us to succeed or live the lives we desire.

Instinct or Intuition?
There is a difference between instinct and intuition.

Instinct is a survival reaction. The squirrels in my backyard instinctively gather nuts and food scraps from our compost heap when they sense an oncoming storm. When I have to slam on my car's breaks to avoid a collision, my arm instinctively flies out attempting to block my passenger from jolting forward.

Intuition, on the other hand, has been associated with thriving rather than surviving. Your intuition provides guidance and a sense of direction toward self-actualization.

For example, intuition comes into play as I feel drawn to take a different route home instead of my usual one.

In past blog posts, I've offered ways to tune in more clearly to your intuition and to take notice when fight or flight instincts kick in so that you can choose a different path if you'd like to.

When you react instinctively, there is an element of always having known how to react in such an occasion. Just like those clutch quarterbacks, you may not have even thought about it-- you just reacted.

Instincts are by no means bad. But there are times, particularly stressful or tense ones, in which you find yourself reacting instinctively and later regret the behavior or reaction.

You instinctively reach for a cigarette, a beer, a candy bar or the tv remote when you feel overwhelmed. Ingrained habits like these-- that are often linked in with addiction-- can appear to be instinctive over time.

We don't usually think about it too much, if at all, in the seconds before doing.

When you make the decision to change a habit or limiting way of thinking, it's instinct that can seem to stand in the way.

As committed as you might be to quitting smoking, drinking more moderately, stopping binge eating or even ceasing the hateful self-talk, it can feel impossible to do.

This is because all of these habits and ways of thinking, being and believing about yourself are all so practiced that they can appear to be instinctive.

Instinct Doesn't Have to Dominate
A significant first step in shaking loose the hold that instinct may seem to have over you is to recognize it for what it is.

Yes, there are times when an instinctive reaction can literally save your (or another's) life.

But, hopefully, these occasions will not be an everyday occurrence for you!

After you've made the intention to change a habit or belief, be on the lookout for instinctive moments. You can stay present and tuned in to your feelings and actually head off an instinctive reaction.

If you are struggling trying to stop smoking, even after that first draw on the cigarette, you can interrupt the habit and the instinctive reaction that brought it to your lips in the first place. Return to your commitment and make a deliberate decision about what your next move will be.

There are specific techniques, such as NeuroLinguistic Programming (NLP) and Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), that have been developed to help people change beliefs and habits. A trained practitioner can teach them to you.

These techniques actually re-program the brain. There is an element of going back to the past to heal or alter the behavior or belief involved as well.

You don't have to go through life regretting or being held back by reactive and instinctive behaviors and beliefs. Know that change of any kind is possible.

Practice Makes...

By Amy Phillips-Gary

Practice makes perfect-- no, that's such a loaded word.

Practice helps bring about change, but it can be difficult to actually initiate and then stick to it.

I remember loathing sitting down at the piano each day to practice as I was growing up. This was most definitely a source of conflict between my mom and I.

Today, I goad my own self to practice various things and I experience similar, though internal, struggle.

For example, I'm all charged up about breathing lately.

I'm reading a wonderful book called Conscious Breathing: Breathwork for Health, Stress Release, and Personal Mastery by Gay Hendricks and I am convinced that, as the author asserts, the physical, mental, emotional and even spiritual aspects of my life can improve by breathing deeply, slowly and diaphragmatically more of the time.

The challenge is, I have pretty much always been a mouth breather. According to Hendricks (and my own observations), mouth breathing not only allows more unfiltered air into my body, it also tends to be shallower and limited to the chest.

Practicing conscious breathing has become a new goal for me. Each and every day-- throughout the day-- I am trying to remember to pause and pay attention to my breathing. When I do this, I deliberately breathe through my nose and drop my breath down.

As much as I want to re-learn how to breathe, life often comes swooping in and I find myself falling back into old patterns. I realize that I am sucking in air via my mouth when I get busy, stressed or am even just zoning out.

You might not care much about the way that you breathe. But it's quite likely that there are habits that you would like to change.

Practicing is the best way that I know of to bring about the change you seek.

Right now, you probably are hearing that amorphous “parent” out there telling you that it's time to practice which is absolutely the LAST thing you want to do.

I'm with you. At first glance, practice sounds like no fun, hard work and downright boring.

You are always practicing something.

When you really think about this, however, each one of us is always practicing something.

In the dictionary, the word “practice” is defined as: “a habitual or customary performance” and also as: “repeated performance or systematic exercise for the purpose of acquiring skill or proficiency.”

As you brush your teeth, you are practicing dental hygiene. When tell your children and your partner that you love them, you are practicing expressing how you feel.

When you tell yourself that you can't follow through with a particular aspiration because you are too old, don't have the right training or education or simply can't make room for that in your life...you are practicing.

We all practice behaviors, ways of being and beliefs all of the time.

So when you want to make a change, yet you feel resistant to actually incorporating this new way into your life, remind yourself that you already are practicing-- you are just practicing the habit that is holding you where you possibly no longer want to remain.

It's a mind game, I know.

But if re-thinking the whole notion of practice helps you to motivate yourself, why not try it?

Practice is a program or a re-programming.

As I sit here at my computer dealing with not enough sleep, a kid with a sore throat who needs my attention and an intention to accomplish a certain amount of work, I am given the opportunity to practice.

I can unconsciously rely on my accustomed manner of breathing to merely stay alive or I can create some space in my awareness for conscious breathing and potentially increase my vitality.

It's truly a moment-by-moment decision-making process.

As you know, with just about anything you've ever learned in your life, the more experience you have doing a new skill or action, the more naturally it happens for you.

Think of practice as a program that you are running in your mind/body. When you are trying to change an already established habit, it's a re-programming.

In either case, as you repeat this new or different way of being, thinking or acting, it becomes imprinted in your body memory. New neural connections can form in your brain as you practice this preferred habit.

Today I encourage you to recognize that all of your thoughts and actions are practices that you can choose to change or to continue, depending on what you desire.

It's up to you and your willingness to practice.

Launch Yourself into the 2010 of Your Dreams

By Amy Phillips-Gary

As I hang up my brand-new calendar for 2010 and prepare to welcome in a fresh decade, I can't help but think about what I want to do differently in the coming year.

Yes, I'm thinking about New Year's resolutions.

You might be doing the same thing. Many of us greet the new year with hopeful and ambitious lists of undesirable habits we're finally going to kick and the new, healthier ones we're going to adopt instead.

And many of us do begin to make changes-- at least for a little while. Sometimes we make a few changes but then fall back into those “bad” habits and tendencies after a period of time.

When the months fly by and we find ourselves back to late December again facing those same old limiting ways of reacting to life, it can feel frustrating, irritating and downright depressing.

This year, I'm re-thinking the whole New Year's resolutions thing. Instead of only focusing in on what I'm planning to change for the upcoming year, I'm going to devote significant attention to what I want to keep on doing.

Rather than my usual intention to throw out the old while resolving to re-fashion the bulk of the way I live my life, I'm going to create space for honoring where I am and what I'm doing that IS working the way that I want it to.

I actually believe that approaching a new year-- a new decade even-- from a base of acknowledgment and self-appreciation will help me to more effectively move into the changes that I desire. These changes may even come about with greater ease and be longer-lasting.

A funny thing about making changes...

Of course, I'm aware that my diet could use some cleaning up, I continue to be a bit of a perfectionist and my sense of patience with others can certainly use some bolstering.

There are tons of things about my usual habits that I'd like to improve upon.

What I've found in the past, however, is that I'm more motivated to take a risk and respond in a different way-- especially when it comes to well-practiced habits-- when I am in a place of honoring and appreciation.

My friend Mollie Hannon has been talking with some friends and I about the importance of making completions for the current year before moving on to the next. She even found a wonderful ritual online to do so.

Perhaps doing a completion ritual like this that involves you acknowledging the strides that you made toward your goals will help you to better appreciate where you are.

You might not be absolutely happy with what you achieved or did in 2009, but when you really stop and look at where you've been and where you are right now, there are bound to be some healthy and pleasing aspects about you and the choices that you've made.

By all means, make that list of what you aspire to do differently and what you want to manifest in the coming year and beyond.

But be sure to also include on that list what you intend to keep on doing, what you can appreciate about your current habits.

Build on all of those beneficial practices that you might not be noticing-- or giving yourself credit for. If you can't think of anything to include on a list like this, look harder.

Use your list of acknowledgments and self-appreciations as a sort of launch pad to propel yourself toward the future of your dreams. You might just be closer than you think

Feed Your Soul: Interrupting Autopilot

By Amy Phillips-Gary

I started out the week yesterday by asking a lot of questions. In the midst of these death-oriented holidays (many of which celebrate the lives of loved ones whom have passed), how truly alive do you tend to be?

Connecting in with your soul is absolutely required in order to keep it fed and nurtured. And nourishing your soul is key to living the vibrant and engaged kind of life you might be craving and not seeming to be able to bring about.

One huge stumbling block to this first step of connecting in with your soul is the tendency that many of us have to move through our lives in a sort of autopilot. It's pretty clear that when you are in autopilot, you are separate and disconnected from your soul.*

Sometimes being in autopilot looks and feels like a dulled or even deadened state. The person is merely going through the motions of life. There is no apparent zest or excitement about the experiences that this person is having. Or, if this type of engagement with life does occur, it is rare.

Other times, checking out involves falling back into old, limiting habits. The person, usually without being conscious of it, reverts back to behaviors and reactions that were more active in his or her past. These are ways of being that do not support the kind of life the person is trying to create now.

For example, I tend to get controlling when I am in autopilot mode. There is usually some trigger and, before I know it, I am harping on my kids and partner about just about everything and anything. It's not pretty and it's not fun for any of us involved.

In either case, we can become so deeply checked out that we don't even recognize that we are in autopilot mode to begin with!

The challenge is to begin to recognize when you are in autopilot and then interrupt that pattern. The ultimate goal here is to begin to re-connect with your soul so that you can listen to what you need to thrive.

Become practiced at observing yourself. Your positive growth will not be supported if you are observing yourself with a hyper-critical eye, however. Instead, try stopping what you are doing for a few moments 3 or more times a day and just notice.

--What are you feeling?

--What are the needs you have?

--What thoughts are active within you?

If it is difficult for you to tap into this information, you might possibly have fallen into autopilot mode. If so, try to better understand the trigger that might have set you down this checked out path. What's behind your current mood or state?

Interrogate Your “Shoulds”

The “shoulds” are often operating behind the scenes when I fall into autopilot. Unfortunately, I still hold many beliefs about how a “good mother/wife/daughter/woman/human being” should be. When something comes up in my life to trigger those shoulds, I often clamp down, disengage and become controlling.

Old habits like this can be stopped in their tracks when the shoulds (or other beliefs) that drive them are questioned. During one of those 3 or more times a day when you are observing yourself and checking in, pay particular attention to any shoulds that are rearing their heads.

When you encounter a should, ask yourself what would happen if you don't follow through on what you think you-- or another person-- should do, say, or be. Is there room for different and additional ways of being in this situation?

Probably so.

Just about every time I interrogate a should, I find that there are far more possibilities than I initially could perceive.

And this is the ah-ha moment that almost always allows me to loosen up and re-engage with myself and my soul. (Not to mention the fact that I can usually ease up on those around me as well!)

The triggers that seem to send you into autopilot mode could be very different than mine. I highly recommend incorporating into your day these observation moments. When you discover that you have checked out, dig deeper and find out what you need.

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*The concept of “Soul” is being used here in an expansive and two-fold manner. In one sense, it is the higher power-- Source, God, Goddess, Allah, Yahweh, Great Spirit or other name that resonates for you. Additionally, it is the essence, the animating principle that is you. These can be inter-linked or distinct depending on your belief system.

Personal Growth Planet blog is taking part in National Blog Posting Month. Every weekday in November, you'll find daily blogs linked by weekly themes.